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Civil War
Communities, separate into factions
Fracture beyond recognition,
Disintegrate.
Battles rage, there is a war to be won,
But no one is on the same page,
Verbal cut and thrust.
The weak follow the strong,
Whether they are right
Or wrong.
Hearts and souls are crushed under foot,
The dead and dying lie bleeding,
smearing the ground.
Blood and guts flow freely,
Once bonds are broken
can they ever mend?
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
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Comments
lou
Sun, 2011-02-27 06:00
Thanks
thanks
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sun, 2011-02-27 06:02
Shirl
Thank you
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
pleiades
Sun, 2011-02-27 05:58
your last line reads a little
your last line reads a little odd to me as is ...
"i fear no BODY can win"
how can a "body" win?
perhaps something like,
"I fear none can win"?
maybe i'm reading more into this than is meant,
but it seems to me, that this speaks directly of current /recent
upsets here on site
whatever the intent ...
i enjoyed this write
i found it well written
well expressed
and nothing else jumps out at me
for correction or improvement
cheers
p
lou
Sun, 2011-02-27 06:06
P
Thank you , the poem was inspired by what is going on in the world today, but I also felt that it applied, to what is happening right here on this site, to a certain extent.
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Sun, 2011-02-27 12:07
Xena
Thank you that is a great complement.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Candlewitch
Sun, 2011-02-27 15:41
Dear Lou,
Hearts and souls are crushed under foot,
The dead and dying lie bleeding,
smearing the ground.
Blood and guts flow freely,
Once bonds are broken
can they ever mend ?
there is a space between mend and the question mark. A great and terrible subject to be lamented. A good read!
love, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
lou
Sun, 2011-02-27 17:19
Cat
Thank you very much.
love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!