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Under The Never Sky

On the point of nothing
I breathe
Supping from un-adultrated energy
Feeding upon your pulse
Wicked is your knowledge
Subtle your yearning
Bleeding sapphires,
becoming diamonds
Renting my emotions as wire
Becoming one with your eyes
Wishing your scent upon my lips
Tasting your sweetness in my soul
Longing for your touch upon my skin
Dislocated, torn from our togetherness
Longing for our return
To our time
Our kind
I hold you in my psyche
I will never drop you
from my talons
You, my pearl
My summer breeze
Stay!
With me through eternity
Fly!
With me through time
Awake!
With me until we die...

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

To be read with yearning and deep psychological pain...A missing....

Vag
Dare To Dream

author comment

The line that really grabbed me was
I will never drop you
from my talons
perhaps that theme could be developed for more impact.

Supping from un-adultrated energy [did you mean un adult rated (parental guidance recommended) or unadulterated? ]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Unadulterated... Thank you.. I get into them sometimes and I just type... But yes I missed it...thanks Vag

Vag
Dare To Dream

author comment

Thank you for reading mew... For me It's not so much love poetry as it is tragedy and inside my twisted mind for those few moments of free thought...My old English proffessor used to say that I did not write Free Verse I wrote Free Thought and it is like that with me..Probably why I have not sought publishing.. Thank you for reading me and I look forward to reading your work...Vag

Vag
Dare To Dream

author comment

damn. i really like this. i am a sucker for your style man, you struck a chord in me. my only critique is the exclamations at the end; it seemed to break up the tremendous flow you had going. but beautiful!
always,
mag

Thanks.. Yeah my endings always suck b/c it's like this never ending spew I get when I write... I don't do goodbyes or endings well ..Thanks for reading me...Vag

Vag
Dare To Dream

author comment

:: speechless ::

Thank you... I may be mistaken but I think I posted on another board with you.. I think I'm pretty sure I reameber reading your work... I enjoy your work very much!

Vag
Dare To Dream

author comment
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