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threshold [Sunku]
silence
surrounded
gentle footsteps
open
palm anxious
for maiden touch
craving
the caress
of fluffy white
Style / type:
Structured: Eastern
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
This is my effort to keep this innovative Sunku form on the radar...by posting at least 1 sunku per month
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Sun, 2018-10-21 22:50
I do not know the form that well
but enjoy the challenge of such a short poem. every word counts both in sound and how they expand.
There is a gentleness, an openness, a sensuality.
The only word that stops me is "receptacle", a cold, clinical word for me, used by chemists and engineers...so it seems out of place.
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
raj
Mon, 2018-10-22 05:41
Thanks Eumolpus
for reading and commenting. ...I agree with you that "receptacle" doesn't have the same feel...I have now changed it
....................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Tue, 2018-10-30 20:58
I love this Sunku!
I love this Sunku!
IRiz
raj
Wed, 2018-10-31 13:49
thanks IRiz for taking time
thanks IRiz for taking time to read....knowing that the one who innovated this form liked it means a lot...brought on a smile for me...
raj (sublime_ocean)
author commentIRiz
Wed, 2018-10-31 14:27
:)
:)
IRiz