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Tale of Collage, God and The Devil

I see my life as a collage
carefully placed memories stitched-
one by one

From the bible-
and the satanic handbook
written from neighbors below
i use a fingernail
and carve a fairy tale

Of a life once listened
in darkened youthful lounges,
where mother was a narrater-
least she be the villain

And father’s voice held the devil’s tone,
which suited him just fine
My collage made of skin and bone,
does speak a rightful line

Of sin’s I know,
The one’s I saw myself-
read and heard
and dutifully observed

I see my life as a collage
memories by a red hand
one by one
The mother of god hung
by light of the devil’s son

And my tale feel’s done.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Explicit Content

Comments

Each verse ends with a line that hits you in the guts. Powerful. I’ve never read poetry that manages to be both beautiful and haunting, but still strikes home in its meaning.
Only criticism is that, personally, I feel like the last line doesn’t need to be repeated. I feel like the line is powerful enough. But that’s up to you, of course :)

thank you, we aim to hit (in a non-physical sense) people in the guts. I agree, and will make the change to the last line now. I've looked at it for a minute, and repeating it doesn't have the same feeling as purely writing it once.

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