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Nemesis (rhyme shop)

Submitted by Peajay on Sun, 2021-03-07 00:32

Nine eleven - is our designation
retribution is our aim
through selective regeneration
our collective lays the blame.

Your culture is - inefficient
you must adapt or die
your protests are - irrelevant
in time you will comply.

Our mission is - self-justified
our perfection will persist
we have the force - on our side
it is futile to resist.

Self-defence - is our cause
our best defence - attack
with revenge the only recourse
we will assimilate Iraq.

Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Workshop: 
RHYME PATTERNS (let's begin)
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Arrow

Sun, 2021-03-07 16:16

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and feels like a finger repeatedly shoved in the chest-so well done. The first stanza is a little rough for me. I don't know what this means: "through selective regeneration." Is this a reference to revisionist history? Through selective emendation? I'm ambivalent about the dashes. I feel like the meter and rhyme can carry the authoritarian feel without the dashes. Said the pot to the kettle, there is one instance of near rhyme. No problem by me!

scribbler

Sun, 2021-03-07 18:05

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Over used something in a poem. my tendency is the ..... These things like any other lose their intended impact when over used. I'd suggest you go back and decide exactly which lines would benefit the most from your use of hyphens. Now the ABAB pattern is very good and unobtrusive and the way you waited until the end to reveal the protagonist's identity seven well

Peajay

Mon, 2021-03-08 08:43

Peajay's picture

Thank you all for commenting.

now, I must dash..................PJ

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