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Independence

My independence
Holds my special memories
Deep within my heart

For those who had fought
To preserve our liberties
Who now have long passed

To me he was king
He had compassion and love
He was my father

He like others died
To make our lives more fruitful
To make our lives free

It is up to us
To save our Independence
Each month day and year

By remembering
What actions took place through war
To maintain our peace

We have to each day
Uphold our hard fought freedom
With prayer and action

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem effectively employs the traditional Haiku structure, which adds a sense of rhythm and balance to the overall piece. The theme of independence and the responsibility to uphold it is clearly conveyed, which gives the poem a strong sense of purpose.

However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. While the general theme of independence is clear, the reader might struggle to connect with the poem on a deeper level because it lacks concrete details. For example, instead of saying "Our Independence", the poem could describe specific aspects or symbols of independence that hold personal significance. This could help to evoke more powerful emotions in the reader.

The poem also uses quite abstract language, such as "save our Independence" and "uphold our hard fought freedom". While these phrases clearly convey the poem's message, they might be too vague to fully engage the reader. The poem could benefit from more specific language that describes exactly how the speaker or the reader can uphold their freedom.

Lastly, the poem could explore the tension between the past and the present more deeply. The second stanza mentions those who fought for independence in the past, but the connection between these individuals and the speaker's current efforts to uphold independence is not fully explored. The poem could delve into this relationship more deeply to add another layer of complexity to the piece.

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