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i flew from a dream in a winged horse.

Submitted by Celso G. Tertins on Wed, 2023-08-09 07:28

there was a winged horse waiting for me
along the glimmering shores of the mirage sea
there a winged horse in my mental dustbin,
a majestic creature in standing on the edge
of the mirror sea.
a cream-colored stallion with a buzzard's wing
among the mental detritus washed ashore,
all those flotsam of forgotten things.
in my many lives i was a vagabond
taken by the circular current,
tossed by the gusts of wind.
but in that particular dream there was
a great winged horse waiting for me.
and so I took off from that dream,
high above those desolate wastes where I have
simmered too long.
I flew away from my bad dream,
in a cream-colored stallion with buzzard's wings
and spat on the face of that cruel land.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week August 6th to August 11th
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2023-08-09 13:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "i flew from a dream in a winged horse" explores themes of longing, escape, and the search for meaning. The imagery of the winged horse and the journey to different landscapes creates a sense of adventure and transformation. The poem also touches on the idea of finding solace and connection with ancestors.

One aspect that stands out in the poem is the use of vivid and imaginative language. The descriptions of the winged horse, the lands it can take the speaker to, and the paradise of frozen volcanoes create a rich visual experience for the reader. The poem effectively transports the reader to different realms and evokes a sense of wonder.

The use of repetition, particularly in the lines "there was a winged horse waiting for someone" and "I flew away from my dream," adds a rhythmic quality to the poem. This repetition helps to reinforce the central theme of escape and emphasizes the transformative nature of the journey.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be

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Lavender

Wed, 2023-08-09 18:37

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Hello, Celso!
So...the incredible songwriter, Don McLean has innumerable songs which are so luscious and magical - but they have specific references to specifics things in order to be fully appreciated. This is how I feel about this piece. I've read several times, and most of the time I let a poem reveal itself to me. But I sense I will appreciate this marvel once I understand its hidden meanings and symbolism. I sense that it is packed with analogies and metaphors. I'd love to know more and will return after you respond.
Thank you!
L

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