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A drawing in black ink

In morning I was shown
The character of myself
A drawing
In black ink

Some lines in bold
Like consciously
Left trails

And a proper shadow
Of a thick frame
Resulting
From light

Editing stage: 

Comments

its the disarray we search for the
abstract...the tilted frame to
correct...the line leading..
.
character..an abundance
a stark image
of monotone

light like radiation
permitted through

i like abstract done well..

this poem is one of them!

Thank you Emina!

Lately, I am a one for brevity, but thought this piece can make use of extending with some more few lines.
I think I got what you wanted between the lines and even enjoyed it, that's why maybe I was craving for more :)

And ah! I thought the title is just perfect!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

My only offer of critique would be the title. I feel the poem is too short for the title to be verbatim in the verse (especially the first one). I have thought about about it for a few days and don't have a suitable alternative. This is probably because this poem is simply outstanding and I do not have the ability to add to it.

Great job

Scott

Scott

when I say a drawing in black ink
the thing you see first are those lines
small big thin whatever
that was what I wanted
simple but confusing

what I have to say is that this poem
was written without a title
that is how I like it the most
but then I just put the title
because I felt the poem
must have it
maybe I was wrong

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

author comment

This is an abstract poem but like Esker says, it's
done well. I agree with Scott, a better title would enhance
the poem.

thanks for sharing,

Richard

I almost never change a title so I'll not mirror the suggestions to do so lol. (but I Might agree with them )
Only change you might think about is the second line . Try "I saw me." but only if you are trying to convey that you saw the real you. If you're going for having seen a caricature of yourself then leave it as is. Now my darn comment's almost as long as your poem lol. Long winded ol' cuss.............stan

it's not about the real me
how could I ever see the real me
I don't think that's even possible
the word character is just appropriate
something invisible too I think

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

author comment

even..."i have seen my character this morning"
or even more abstract..
"in morning i was shown the character of myself"

etc...

the morning...or come morning...
at dawn i was shown...

so many variables..

"in morning i was shown the character of myself"
I think you're right
I'll change that

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

author comment

The dark lines accentuate the white.
There is a vast area where you can reside.
The dark lines as on a butterflies wings they hold the powder.
There the colours make the whole,
as the pure white makes your depth.
Loved the work but would have loved to hear more,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'm gonna put one just for you
or many of them
;)

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

author comment

This is truly intriguing. Thanks for posting.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

well this small poem is so true
that is the reason I think raj

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

author comment

Like the meaning of an IChing expression.
a Chinese calligraphy of sensitivity leaving us fascinated.

Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

I had been reading Matsuo Basho before I wrote this and he influenced me so much.
His books are just great !

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

author comment

Rula thinks the title is perfect you think that I should change it well guys what am I gonna do now
damn it ...

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

author comment

i love the title...
i used to draw in black ink..
brush and pen..very hard to do..
its expressive..the most hardest
thing to do i think as a writer
and artist..

simplicity i love which is odd
because all the stuff i do is complex
..
but this is your poem and
our workshop for all of us..
(but I like the title Emina.)

Just reading your works to get more inspired. Another lovely work. Can't wait to see your contribution in the Renga workshop.

Alid

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