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From a Distance

Submitted by AmmaKonadu on Mon, 2012-05-28 01:05

I had a dream… after a long laboring day
Of rose petals falling as rain

Bloody red petals… falling softly at my feet
Filling the entire world with its fragrance so sweet

…Turning my vision crimson

Then the sun opened up its door
And from it marched angels making ready to soar

The clouds rolled open like an ancient scroll
Revealing verses written in ink of gold

Hearts were laid up on a pedestal
Mouths sang songs, celestial

In my ear rang a line of that golden verse
A line my heart was quick to rehearse

“We can hear their voices from a distance”

All hope is not lost, you see, my dear ones…
They could hear our heart-wrenching cries from a distance…

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

loved

Mon, 2012-05-28 02:35

loved's picture

is actually from within
the desire to sweep the past
the sunrise may come fast
and
wipe off the sweat of my brow
let flowers reek, perfume somehow
red, crimson and blue
let the times tolls be due
and
forget the loathe some
of a long distant occurrence
demise of thoughts of desperation
what ahead, does lie,
we hope to see from a closer distance
that's why dreams are the manifestations
of things gone astray
may the Lord
show you the right way.

loved

AmmaKonadu

Mon, 2012-05-28 06:46

AmmaKonadu's picture

Thank you!!

author comment

loved

Mon, 2012-05-28 10:38

loved's picture

The distant cry
from within
desire to sweep the past

with sunrise’s fast arrival...
to
let the time’s tolls be due
let flowers reek, perfume somehow
red, crimson and blue
wipe the sweat of my brow
forget the loathe-some
of a long distant occurrence
with demise of thoughts of desperate dreams
manifestations
of things gone astray

loved

AmmaKonadu

Mon, 2012-05-28 16:09

AmmaKonadu's picture

as the days go by! Thank you, Loved.

author comment

loved

Mon, 2012-05-28 23:12

loved's picture

u r a nice child
tc bye

when someone comes along
just call me
with yours and his dob//tob
then iIll see
what kind of a guy
will he be...

loved

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-05-29 00:55

weirdelf's picture
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lack internal logic and the last two lines completely abrogate human accountability.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

AmmaKonadu

Tue, 2012-05-29 01:56

AmmaKonadu's picture

You really sure you see no logic in there? Anyway, that's your opinion so thanks.

author comment

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-05-29 02:07

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

it's not so much lack of internal logic, just that it is 'nice' fluffy content.

But a pretty read.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

AmmaKonadu

Tue, 2012-05-29 02:16

AmmaKonadu's picture

what you mean. Thanks.

author comment

loved

Tue, 2012-05-29 05:33

loved's picture

but listen to him
be not afraid
for we all compose
in our own inimitable ways...
if you show a trace of fear
you shall run ,
so just thank him
as we all are individual entity
each one
a different human...

loved

AmmaKonadu

Tue, 2012-05-29 05:58

AmmaKonadu's picture

loved

author comment

loved

Tue, 2012-05-29 10:40

loved's picture

got scared
good ones
and
raced like in
100metres race

i see you are BOLD TC INTERNET IS DICEY

loved

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