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Dissolve

You linger lost In a dream you paid for
And abandon the one that's free
I search for you between the lines and the slumber And creep amongst the chaos of your mind
I attempt to join you in your psycadelic world
With continued dilusions of it being as exciting.
Trying desperately to create vivid memories
Before the occasional seconds of sanity dissolve
Like sugar in tea or salt on a wound
Or a tablet on your tongue

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I suggest that you break this long line into two shorter ones for smoothing out your poem:

I search for you between the lines (of) (the) slumber And creep amongst (T)he chaos of your mind
add (of) and drop (the) why is the "T" upper case

the emotion of sorrow runs through your poem and maybe a bit of frustration or exhaustion?

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

The lines ...and the slumber ...is a reference to lines of cocaine ...and sleep being a part of the comedown from that ..I probably should have mentioned that in the context ...but thank you x x

author comment

I wasn't thinking drugs...mine was Meth Amphetamine and I used it in vane, of my search, lol

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I've never done drugs myself lol ...but living with someone that does was a difficult situation to be in x

author comment

is no picnic. my significant other was doing heroin. he liked to spend the rent money on something that was ruinous for bod, mind and spirit.

when I did speed I liked to be alone... I spent a year completely alone.

I am glad that you are getting your life back together after some baboon tried to destroy you, along with himself. writing poetry is very therapeutic

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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