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Charged (rhyme patterns workshop)

Submitted by Peajay on Fri, 2021-03-05 15:22

Grey-blue eyes
capture photons
scattered from your form.

Cool skin
senses infra-red
feeling warm.

And tho our atoms
are mostly space

when we embrace
we do not merge
like ghostly wraiths.

Our attraction
may be impulsive

yet our electrons
remain repulsive.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Workshop: 
RHYME PATTERNS (let's begin)
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

scribbler

Fri, 2021-03-05 18:00

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Where is the rhyme? the only one I saw was from one stanza to another and only in the last 2 stanzas. Please check the last assignment. We are presently working on the ABAB pattern

Peajay

Fri, 2021-03-05 19:43

Peajay's picture

Hello Scribbler,
thank you for commenting,

Sorry, I didn't know couplets were required.
is this better?

Grey-blue eyes capture photons scattered from your form.
Cool skin senses infra-red feeling warm.

And tho our atoms are mostly space
when we embrace we do not merge like ghostly wraiths.

Our attraction may be impulsive
yet our electrons remain repulsive.

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2021-03-05 21:26

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read all comments and exercises in the shop. This is Not rhyming couplet. It is quatrains with an ABAB pattern. A pattern in which the first and third lines rhyme and the second and fourth lines rhyme. Read what others have done and said concerning this pattern then post a poem which Has the ABAB pattern.

scribbler

Sun, 2021-03-07 13:41

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That is what workshops are for, to better people's skills. But it doesn't work unless participants understand then follow instructions for exercises. Now if it would be easier for you to start a poem from scratch using the assigned pattern feel free to do so

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