a PEACE| ful WALK | in the | PARK BIRDS | SINGing
SWANS TALK | ing BATH | ing in| the SET | ting SUN
there is | no CON | cerns a | BOUT SHIPS | SINKing
or PIR | ates CAR | JACKing | POINTing | BIG GUNS

the above is my interpretation of where the stresses are in the first verse
i am no expert, but i don't think you have the iamic quite right...

also, did you know with a sonnet there is supposed to be what is called a volta - a change in tone with the third verse?
the first two verses enlarge on a theme, and the third is a big 'but' so to speak
then the final couplet makes the concluding statement

hope this helps
love judy

you see it
amidst the day to day calamity of man
tilting castles drowning souls
and the usual highwayman

benevolant creatures
at their life

Thank Y ou!

and yet light too shines
Meter like understanding
for me is because Im not looking at it
but that isnt because its existance is not
real

Much like the swan sitting in beauty
or the ugliness of life that exists
at the same moment

I very much appreciate how you
incorporate the two
in a poem

it is very easy t o just write of the
one or the other

Thank You Barbara

and now i'm going to be rude to you
lol - i hope you won't be offended
i think your write here is magnificent in the ideas you convey
can i offer these suggestions?
- please note there are some feminine lines here (i hope you believe in them by now)
:)

a peaceful walk in parks where songbirds sing
and swans all shake their tails in setting sun
where there are no concerns about ships sinking
or Pirates that car-jack by pointing guns

with all varieties of flowering plants
that grow in bloom where e’er the eyes would wander
and Scorpions hunt food in black trash cans
Is this what paradise is like near water?

Where swans pick insects from their downy feathers
and quietly sleep there under tall pine’s shade
I watch the light and pristine water tether
while white-tailed duck grace diamond carpet lake

Is this what paradise feels like on earth
when starlight’s sunny springtime sees rebirth?

just kick me out if i am too presumptive
love judy