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Rose Through the Heart

Submitted by Michael Anthony on Wed, 2024-06-12 09:56

I remember getting home from Christmas shopping.
I had just bought a lovely sweater for you,
when you called that afternoon and we spoke.
“We should stop seeing each other. It just seems
we don’t fit together all that well.”, you said.

And you were probably right about that.
But I occasionally think about that fucking sweater,
and still wonder if I had bought you the right size.
I’m sure it would have looked nice on you for a while.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Contest:

Neopoet Weekly 06/09/24 to 06/15/24

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2024-06-12 10:14

I think...

that you should have kept using [you], instead of reverting to the [her]. I understand the change as representing thinking to yourself, as in after the fact, but I think it works better if you still are speaking to her as "You". I have a rose through a heart tattoo; I'm not sure of what it may represent to you, but I think it may be that the rose is a signifying, that one gives a rose to someone that has a place in your heart. So, yes, the title is apt.~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Michael Anthony

Wed, 2024-06-12 10:42

Boom! Great suggestion Geez,

Boom! Great suggestion Geez, thank you!

Best

Michael Anthony

author comment

Lavender

Thu, 2024-06-13 13:55