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About Last Night
It's in the quiet I hear you.
My lungs elastic as they draw you in
with each comforting breath.
The memories of the day
expand my peace of mind
and careen my heart into you,
as you slumber next to me,
here in the solitude of our night.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
San Francisco Bay Area - USA
Favorite Poets
Bukowski, Billy Collins, Ted Kooser, Haiku & Harvey Kurtzman (a visual poet, of sorts)
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Comments
Geezer
Sat, 2024-05-11 12:07
While I...
understand the moment you describe, and the sentiment; I'm not sure of the significance of mentioning that your lungs are elastic.
Sure, the word has some connection to the drawing in, and the word expand in the fifth line, but do they have another bit of purpose? ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Michael Anthony
Sun, 2024-05-19 02:27
N conncetion to the 5th line
N conncetion to the 5th line Geez. Elastic seemed fitting for me because I was trying to draw attention the my hyper-awareness of the moment. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't, but I kie the visual here. Thanks you for commenting sir!
Best
Michael Anthony
author commenttyro
Sun, 2024-05-12 16:19
I find this such a beautiful
I find this such a beautiful image. Just feeling and enjoying the presence of a loved one; the mind at peace, needing no word, no motion, just blissful in the presence of.
Tyro
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
Michael Anthony
Sun, 2024-05-19 02:28
Thank you for commenting Tyro
Thank you for commenting Tyro! Exactly that!
Cheers
Michael Anthony
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