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April Again
April again, and back home the snow lilies must be bursting out of the ground.
The crisp New York air must be beginning to warm, the lake just barely starting to turn over thousands of feet below the rocky beaches.
Back home, I know the daffodils must be in full bloom, dotting across the lawn like freckles, yellow and orange and golden in the spring sun.
April again, and back home my friends go through the same motions:
School, homework, hang out at the cafe.
My old teammates still have practice every Tuesday through Friday (although the freshman are almost Seniors now).
April again, and with the soon-to-be ducklings comes other new things:
new men, new freedoms, new styles of jeans.
This summer I will lounge about on beach chairs and burn.
I’ll remember to text my friends and give old acquaintances calls a return.
April again, and it’s almost time to come home.
Almost time to melt back into the softer grass, into my mother’s arms.
Time to unpack my shorts and overalls, my skirts and sundresses.
Time to tie my hair up and feel the sun’s kisses on the back of my neck.
April again, and the sky can’t decide between rain and shine.
I look upward and feel the drops land on my face and roll across my cheeks.
Above me the clouds flirt with the sun and I giggle,
instinctively easy and unrestrained.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2024-04-18 22:02
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "April Again" effectively uses vivid imagery to create a sense of nostalgia and longing for home. The repetition of the phrase "April again" at the start of each stanza creates a rhythmic pattern that adds to the overall flow of the poem and reinforces the cyclical nature of time.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphorical language to deepen the emotional resonance. For example, the line "I’ll remember to text my friends and give old lovers calls a return" is more literal and straightforward compared to the rest of the poem, which is rich in figurative language. Consider rephrasing this line to maintain the poem's overall tone and style.
The poem also seems to lack a clear thematic focus. While the imagery of spring and the sense of nostalgia are clear, it's not entirely clear what the poem is trying to convey about these themes. Is it a celebration of the cyclical nature of life? A meditation on the passage of time? A reflection on the nature of home and belonging? Clarifying the thematic focus could help to give the poem a more cohesive structure and make it more impactful.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more varied sentence structure to create a more dynamic rhythm. The current structure is somewhat repetitive, with many sentences beginning with "I" or "My". Experimenting with different sentence structures could help to make the poem more engaging and dynamic.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Fri, 2024-04-19 10:39
April Again
Hello, MM,
I feel the anticipation and excitement in this. At first I thought you might want to cut back in some areas, tighten it up a bit. But in reading again, for me it felt like a casual, happy conversation - either with another person, or the narrator reflecting within. The final line sums up how the poem feels when read aloud. April, again, indeed!
Thank you!
L
MermaidMaster
Fri, 2024-04-26 09:58
lavender,
Thank you as always for your kind words! I so appreciate your comments they truly make my day.
best,
MM
<3
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