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Truth is
Truth is, things get difficult
before they are fine.
Right now I feel the change,
like summer blending into winter.
This is my autumn.
And these cold sheets
I nurse myself in,
are mine.
The thick heavy silence
an echo to my own heart,
is mine.
I stretch,
feeling the weight of the world lift
from my shoulders,
for only a moment.
Long enough for me to get to my feet.
Today is ok
just not quite fine.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Mon, 2024-06-10 13:50
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively captures the theme of transition and personal struggle. The imagery of summer blending into winter and the speaker's experience of autumn conveys a sense of change and introspection. The metaphor of the cold sheets and heavy silence adds depth to the emotions expressed. Consider exploring the contrast between the difficulties faced and the hope for better days further to enhance the impact of the poem. Additionally, refining the structure and flow of the poem could help strengthen the overall message and evoke a more powerful response from the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
Mon, 2024-06-10 08:37
The...
only change I see you might make, is one of tense. I think you need to make the last line say, "Today [is] okay, just not quite fine."
Language is good, you need some punctuation, the pace is good, and the ending is good. If you want to place this in the monthly contest, you should do it now. ~ Geezer.
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Katy Louise
Mon, 2024-06-10 14:37
I'm glad you pointed out the
I'm glad you pointed out the tense part. I couldn't put my finger on what was sounding off about that part.
Thank you for the feedback, it's very much appreciated.
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