Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

My Heart, My Heaven

With my eyes i can touch the universe
With my heart could i change the world
With my wisdom i can form an opinion
And with my hands could i sculpture a form.

With my family i can create a community
With my faith could the world change me
With my values i can judge impartially
And with my love ,can i be fairly judged

With my honour i can defend all goodness
With my observances can i find the truth
With mankind in perfect harmony
And with blessings to a greater god go i

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
Eternal thanks for this wonderful forum
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "My Heart, My Heaven" presents a series of statements that express the speaker's potential and capacity for change, judgment, creation, and faith. It appears to be a contemplative piece that explores the power of the individual and their relationship with the world around them.

The use of anaphora, the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses, is a notable feature of this poem. This technique can be effective in creating a rhythmic, chant-like quality that emphasizes the poem's themes. However, the repetition of "With my" at the beginning of most lines might be seen as excessive, potentially diluting the impact of the individual statements.

The poem also employs a parallel structure, with each line following a similar pattern. This creates a sense of balance and unity, but it might also limit the poem's ability to surprise or challenge the reader. Varying the structure could introduce an element of unpredictability and tension that would engage the reader more deeply.

The poem's language is generally clear and straightforward, but it could benefit from more concrete imagery. Many of the concepts in the poem—such as the universe, the world, wisdom, and love—are abstract. By grounding these ideas in specific, sensory details, the poem could create a more vivid and engaging experience for the reader.

Finally, the poem's punctuation is inconsistent, with some lines ending in periods and others not. Consistent punctuation would help to clarify the relationship between the lines and enhance the poem's overall readability.

In conclusion, while "My Heart, My Heaven" effectively explores themes of personal potential and the individual's relationship with the world, it could benefit from more varied structure, more concrete imagery, and consistent punctuation.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I rather think you are as good as any, God.
I enjoyed your poem, it asks questions of us
and gives us half an answer, well done.

Obi.

Thankyou so very much for taking the time to read this piece and forwarding the most welcome positivity.
Am sure it drives us all to take greater strides in weaving , crafting and sharing our words .
Kindest Regards , and thanks once again Obi,
Izzi

author comment

Liked your poem very much. I think the uncapitslized I adds to message within the poem.
Good job!

Approval for any piece I submit to this group is so very gratefully received and truly inspires me to try harder.
Thank you Clentin , I am Humbled.
Kindest Regards
Izzi

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.