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Autumn Equinox

Submitted by gregwa8 on Mon, 2018-09-24 22:17

Every leaving
Is a coming

Summer ends
And we mourn

No longer laying
Beneath the fiery stars
On our backs

But orange and yellow
Stars are now falling
On our heads

When the world
Sheds its skin

A new adventure
Begins

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Shadowdancer3349

Tue, 2018-09-25 07:54

It is a good start but I was looking for more depth to this poem

gregwa8

Tue, 2018-09-25 23:44

gregwa8's picture

thanks for trying to keep me deep :). the first line, I agree, is a little heavy for the rest of the poem. I'm liking it though, still.

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