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Share with Me

Submitted by Mary Beth Magee on Sun, 2024-04-28 19:37

The cookie I prefer to eat
Changes. Today's cherished treat
Becomes a has-been in a while.
A chocolate chip once made me smile.
Now allergies have changed my song.
Frankly, it just seems so wrong
Chocolate is in so many great ones.
Of course, if I ate them all I'd weigh tons.
Let's just say I like cookies. To
Share a cookie with a friend (or two)
Just makes my day. With milk or tea,
Let's all stop and share a cookie!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
04/24 My Favorite Cookie
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-04-29 01:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Share with Me" effectively uses a light, conversational tone to engage readers. The use of rhyme and rhythm is consistent, making the poem enjoyable to read. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

1. Clarity: The transition from discussing a personal preference for cookies to the issue of allergies is a bit abrupt. It might be beneficial to provide more context or a smoother transition to help the reader follow along.

2. Imagery: While the poem does a good job of creating a warm, inviting atmosphere, it could benefit from more vivid imagery. For example, describing the cookies or the experience of eating them could make the poem more engaging.

3. Theme Development: The theme of sharing and friendship is introduced towards the end of the poem. It might be more effective if this theme is woven throughout the poem, rather than being introduced at the end.

4. Word Choice: The line "Of course, if I ate them all I'd weigh tons" is a bit jarring in the context of the rest of the poem. Consider revising this line to maintain the overall tone of the poem.

5. Structure: The poem could benefit from a more structured format. While the conversational tone works well, a clear structure could enhance the poem's readability and flow.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

zuella

Sun, 2024-04-28 19:54

zuella's picture

Haha! This is hilarious! I love the way it’s all very short and simple, packed into just one stanza, yet makes you want to giggle and kick your feet. As cookies are simple, so is your language choice which perfectly supports the vibe you are trying to get across. This is lovely, keep up the great work, I need a poem like this every morning with my cup of coffee to get the day going!

-zuella

The normal fear the poets and the poets fear the normal.
Thank you for your time!
-Zuella

Mary Beth Magee

Mon, 2024-04-29 10:31

Mary Beth Magee's picture

I appreciate you taking time to let me know your thoughts. Typically I write more seriously, so I’m glad my attempt at “lighthearted” gave you a smile.

Thank you,
Mary Beth

Because your words have touched my heart,
I stopped to share a little part.
Be nice, supportive, kind to all
As we walk through this Poetry Hall.

author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2024-04-29 11:52

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I agree, let's all bake and eat some cookies! Every country that I have ever heard of, has some kind of cookie dessert.
I do believe an essential part of the DNA of hominids. LoL
Nice poem about sharing and caring. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Mary Beth Magee

Mon, 2024-04-29 22:11

Mary Beth Magee's picture

My biggest problem is the doggone cookie makers. They keep canceling my favorites, LOL. I wish I could find a Cameo cookie again.

Thank you,
Mary Beth

Because your words have touched my heart,
I stopped to share a little part.
Be nice, supportive, kind to all
As we walk through this Poetry Hall.

author comment
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