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Your Choice

your choice
of growing with loneliness
as a tree abounds in a deserted land
with winds blowing up only sand
then there in the midst of an oasis
broadens a mirage
as it blanks the mind

you chose loneliness
to that hopeful mirage...
which designs mankind

perhaps 'twas no mirage
but an apparition of mind
in the deepest
darkest and solitary refines
which make you
depressive design

the choice was yours
to save your penny...
as the ones were eyeing
your hard earned money

you left them far behind
with no company

the choice was yours!

reside in
Now live in self wrought misery!
just try to be happy

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Excellent imagery. Very easy to visualize. “Broadens a mirage” is an interesting verbiage. It might be my favorite line. It makes me see the mirage widen as it is appearing.

Critique. I’d say try and read it a few times thru and decide where you want the tests to be and do some punctuating. The old Oxford comma. Where’s Geezer? I’m new here but he seems to be great at that. Also maybe something in the middle to help marry the image of the penny/hard work image to the desert image. I realize they are both metaphors for the same thing which I’m taking to be a misanthropic external world view which I do share from time to time along with bouts of depression. I feel you.
Play around some with this, I think you’re going to find some things in the revision process you’ll like. Nice work


DO read this newer BEE and see

author comment

Try darkest most solitary refines.

its always a surprise So I get up to salute you as you must have some good
My salute!

author comment
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