You are the antidote,
The cure,
The bitter pill I swallow,
The one who confuses me
The one who makes me question
The one who I avoid.

You are the kind whisper,
The sigh of relief,
The burden lifted off my shoulders
When I’m weighed down by this life’s grief.

You are the game maker,
The mind reader,
The future seer,
Around you I have no privacy.
But you died for me.
That’s what I’m supposed to believe.

Feelings
On those I rely
They are my minds eye
On feelings I fly
Aloft and afloat,
To and fro,
But you are cold fact,
And that is our disconnect.

This book
These words
How can I believe they’re yours?
Not a confused followers word,
Not poetry like this?
And through all the versions
Did anything go amiss?

It’s push and it’s pull,
It’s marriage,
Happy honeymoon at first
Dizzying reality slips in and steals that joy.
Our joy.
We are supposed to be joy.
But am I more joyful than the nonjoyful?

Talk to me
Speak to me
Stop slipping away!
I’m stolen
I’m broken
I’m ungrateful
Unfulfilled.

It’s the "what’s next?"
It’s the big surprise,
I can’t stay in the moment
I can’t close my eyes.
No relaxation
Something's always next,
The "shoulds" and "woulds" slither
Into my head.
I’m left restless.

Help me, see me!
Give me a word,
A sign,
Tell me you’re alive!
You’re more than a taskmaster
More than a deserter
But feelings tell me otherwise.

Your love is unconditional,
But how do I believe when I can’t feel
My feelings are akin to my sight
Without them I cannot believe

I’m surrounded,
Supported,
In your truth everyday,
Every week I’m in your house
What more can I do?

You are not a checklist God,
That I know as truth,
But voids and holes in my chest
Demand a greater proof.

So listen Jesus
Tell me you’re true
Tell me that you’re here
I know there’s nothing you can’t do

I’m distracted by the other one,
I’m bogged down in confusion
I can’t hear through the static in my head
I need your clear voice.

See me
Hear me
Don’t turn away,
It’s only the beginning of a journey
And we’re in disarray.

I’ve got one thing more to say

Give me your mercy
Heap it all on
The other one keeps telling me I’m undeserving
Ungrateful
He says friends define me not you
He says I’m alone
I’m an outcast
I’m deserted
Left for the vultures.

It’s you.
It’s just you.
Life’s empty hoops have left me tired
They are so beautiful
The addiction plays with my mind
Another hit, another hit
But I end up low, not high.

It’s just you.
Only you.
Only you are peace.
This oneness,
The selfish simplicity is
Actually
A blessing
So give me tunnel vision.
You are my nest,
You hold me firm
Though not appealing to the eye,
You are it.

Let it only be you.
Give me wisdom
Give me strength
You put me in your nest away from the others
So hold me tight so I don’t stray
Hold me near, I know I need to stay.