Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

wintering

hurry inside before the breeze pools in
you can keep on your shoes
i know you must be freezing

come in, this way
tell me, how was your treatment?
i set some pillows up by the fire
relax into them please,

you musn’t lift a finger
but tell me how to keep you warm
should i play the music you like?
or am i misinformed...

would you like some coffee?
tea it is
don't mind me
i'll be warming your drink

have you spoken to your mother?
about our plans to europe?
i could convince her, if you want
no, please don’t get up

i’ll run you a bath later this evening
but for now here’s your tea
dont sip too eagerly
it must still be scalding

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

For me this reads more like prose in separate lines and breaks.(maybe you can throw some internal rhymes.?)
I especially liked how you built up the plot. Could be a set up for a good story.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Thank you for the suggestion, i kinda prefer it to sound like prose since it reads as a conversation, but its a work in progress so i might add some more rhymes

author comment

Rula was right here. I now see what he saw. The lines are too prosaic. Just like an interaction between two people. When a line has poetic reflection it makes the poem have energy and creates thoughts in the mind of the reader.
.

"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".

~Jackweb

The intention was for it to sound like an interaction between two people, but i believe prose itself can be poetic. Thank you for your interpretation though always appreciated

author comment

overhearing conversations like this! Makes me feel like we are participating in one long workshop with dozens of workshops all going at once! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I should clarify the comment that I left on this piece. I was referring to the conversation between Jackweb and Rula when I said that I loved to overhear conversations like this. My interpretation of the work is precisely the way you meant it! I did take it to be a real conversation, or an approximation of what you might hear between two people that you know. I felt the love and the tenderness, the doting of a lover that wants to make sure that the other is comfortable, with maybe a little undertone of
manipulation. [Asking about the trip], so that the other might feel more inclined to do it after some pampering. I suppose that I might like to hear that conversation too! Nice work. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thank you im glad to hear you understood my intentions with the poem. I enjoy hearing you felt the love in the poem as it was meant to come across very nurturing. Always appreciated Geezer,

author comment

Hello, Leo,
This is so delightful, and nurturing. The title is perfect. My interpretations of your poetry are seldom the same as your intentions, but I can't help but feel this is a conversation, not between two people, but between an individual and their inner compassionate self. I find it so comforting, especially the title.
Thank you,
L

When I wrote the poem and decided it would be a dialogue I didn't have anyone in mind when writing, just that they would be taking care of someone they loved. I see how you would get the idea its a conversation between one person and their inner self and I really love reading the poem this way! Thank you

author comment

siloloquy

I could hear the conversation, truly loving and doting! It sounds like there may be an obstacle in the way of your trip to Europe. Hopefully you were able to convince her?!

~RoseBlack~

Thank you, the poem is a lot less literal than it may sound so unfortunately theres no trip to europe haha.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.