Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Who Is Norm?...

Submitted by Geezer on Tue, 2023-04-11 11:31

Is he someone special?
This Norm I hear about
I'd like to look him up
call his number, give a shout

They say he's everyone
but I don't recognise his face
How can he be like me?
I'm not even in the race

What does he do for living?
Where does this bastard live?
I would truly like to meet him
Oh, what I wouldn't give

I'm measured up against him
I hear his name at every turn
Why should I be like him?
Man, it makes me burn!

They say he is composed
He doesn't often rage
I'd punch him in the mouth
I would rattle up his cage

So, one more time I hear his name
I'll use him to mop the floor
I'll put him in his place
They won't compare us anymore!

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week April 8th to April 15th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-04-11 11:31

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Who Is Norm?" explores themes of identity and comparison, as the speaker questions the significance of a person named Norm. The use of informal language and strong emotions adds to the overall tone of frustration and jealousy. However, the poem's lack of structure and inconsistent rhyme scheme detracts from its overall effectiveness.

One suggested line edit could be: "They say he's like everyone" instead of "They say he's everyone," to better convey the idea that Norm is a relatable figure rather than an omnipresent one.

Overall, while the poem effectively conveys the speaker's feelings of inadequacy and resentment towards Norm, it would benefit from tighter structure and more consistent language choices.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Obadiah Grey

Tue, 2023-04-11 12:17

Obadiah Grey's picture
Volunteer badge

Ol' Iron Arse missed the mark again HaHA...

Obadiah Grey

Tue, 2023-04-11 12:19

Obadiah Grey's picture
Volunteer badge

I wouldn't worry too much about Norm,
You've got the bugger beat Geez.,

Obi.

Geezer

Tue, 2023-04-11 14:51

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I'll have to go adjust his ass! A few good kicks in his nuts, should help make him a little less inclined to mess with me! I think he must have burned out a chip or something. He doesn't seem to understand that "Norm is short for normal. His vagaries are a little less than the "norm" lately. Ha, ha!
Thanks Obie, ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Obadiah Grey

Tue, 2023-04-11 15:12

Obadiah Grey's picture
Volunteer badge

Actually, I'm warming to him,
whilst ultimately hoping he reaches half way up then gets left behind, but,
he is interesting.

Obi.

Geezer

Wed, 2023-04-12 13:59

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

been warming up to Mr. AI too, but I think he's been into my magic cookies! He seems to have lost a step or two. He was doing great, and then I don't know what happened. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

RoseBlack

Tue, 2023-04-11 19:55

RoseBlack's picture
Volunteer badge

Not a particular fan of his either...I say we pay a visit to him and to hell with his way of thinking!! I think your great without Norm.

~RoseBlack~

Geezer

Wed, 2023-04-12 14:04

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

could use a little adjustment, he seems to think he's a big deal. Everyone is saying we should meet the 'norm'. I don't think I want to be in his clique. He seems rather boring and just like everybody else! Thanks for the read and back-up. If I ever get to meet him, I will give you a call and find out what is so great about meeting the "Norm". ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2023-04-12 14:10

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

you liked this one. I thought you might, seeing as how you don't seem to be "normal" either. Gee, I kind of like the sound of that! Geezer the Great! Hmmm, I can see it now; a parade, dinners, keys to the city... LoL Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2023-04-13 11:13

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

Free babysitting services for shoppers? Now that's a novel thing! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Candlewitch

Thu, 2023-04-13 05:15

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

I believe there is no such thing as normal. we are all fucsed-up you usually surprise me. in our own special way. the only normal who meet the status quo are the dead. and that includes the brain dead, too. I like your poem. your title gave it all away, lol! what the hell is normal? the poem is entertaining and holds deeper meaning than AI can fathom.

* love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Geezer

Thu, 2023-04-13 11:17

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

the AI is great for technical stuff but has to work on its people-skills. I think he is being sent back to the factory for additional training. Basically a nice guy, just a little weak on the emotional level. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment

Alex Tanner

Thu, 2023-04-13 09:02

Alex Tanner's picture

I'm quite normal, it's only the doctors who don't believe me. Damn. Locked in again. Alex

Geezer

Thu, 2023-04-13 11:26

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I had some trouble with that too! Fortunately, I have experience with nursing homes and old people, so I can pass for just an old person not quite in possession of all my faculties. They just open the doors and set me free! Try it, I think it will work for you too. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.