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White Lies...EDIT (Kindmess Eumol)

Submitted by lovedly on Wed, 2018-07-18 22:04

Compose with love
and you all be read

So grateful must one be
now to readers like you
who honestly confess they lie
never tell the slightest truth

then only comes out the lover's worth
when she of words unheard
does now hear

as you say
entice you may
anyone
with lovely words
you portray
so continue you may

Tell white lies only
friend like you confess
they only lie
may be as in lay

never tell the whole truth
then only comes out the lover's
inner worth
when she of words
has never heard

now smile
Oh my
am I of such a worth

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Fri, 2018-09-07 17:54

Eumolpus's picture

I would consider dropping the first 2 stanzas and starting with "compose with love/and you will be read."
This gets the reader involved immediately, and gets you in into the main idea of the poem. You scanning for a good poem does not entice the reader, nor telling a somewhat obvious statement that the best poems "upsurge from within". From there you proceed in a more abstract and personal poem, that "surges from within" with the theme of the white lies, making a good poem.
..

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

lovedly

Fri, 2018-09-07 20:48

lovedly's picture

I am grateful you pick up good ones to advise
As it leaves me wise.
Do read my
GIVE PEACE A CHANCE
a similar stance
thanks in advance

author comment

Sparrow

Fri, 2018-09-07 18:33

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

A holding write, we must write of all things we can think of as how will others ever understand another point of view.
It is our Poetic duty to write of as many things as possible, It adds a facet to the diamond of life to give it a total glow..
Go well young Bard, Yours as always Ian..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

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