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WHERE FENCES ARE BUT MEMORIES

Submitted by scribbler on Sun, 2012-07-15 20:15

These tall and somber gray pine trees,
I won't begin to guess how old,
whose tops, only, are moved by breeze
mask tales of memories untold.

The pines end where the slopes turn steep
change marked by ancient oaks and beech.
where squirrels play and tree frogs peep
on land unmarred by iron plow's reach.

Now and then a locust post
stands wrapped in an old root's embrace.
I've seen them once or twice at most,
it brings a wry smile to my face.

On closer look these virgin woods
reveal a world that used to be:
a chimney where a home once stood,
worn terraces for all who see.

Or here and there some cedars grow
from birds perched on a vanished fence
perhaps a hundred years ago,
an edge within woods now grown dense .

Through such woods quiet voices drift
almost unheard on sylvan breeze.
They come here through some type of rift
where fences are but memories.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
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Comments

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-07-18 03:41

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Loved the story again as you look around your world with those natural glasses on, Good to see through your eye's again,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

scribbler

Tue, 2012-07-17 07:06

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Those cussed uncaught typos! Thanks for coming by with eagle eye..............stan

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Kailashana2

Tue, 2012-07-17 07:44

A little *sprucing up*, and this poem would be perfection, Stan.

~A

scribbler

Tue, 2012-07-17 12:40

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You know me, I seldom leave any of my stuff alone for long lol. Thanks for dropping by and as the old ad signs used to say "watch this space" lol...........stan

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judyanne

Tue, 2012-07-17 09:09

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‘These tall and somber gray pine trees’ -‘sombre’, ‘grey’?

‘mask memories of stories untold’ – suggest ‘tales’ instead of ‘stories’ (rhythm)

‘slopes turn steep’ – I like the ‘s’ and ‘t’ sounds here

‘on land unmarred by the plow's reach’ – ‘plough’s’
also – scansion slightly out
perhaps try ‘on land unmarred by plough’s harsh reach’

‘is wrapped in an old tree's embrace’ – maybe ‘one’ instead of ‘an’ – again scansion

‘Or here and there a cedar row
planted by birds from a wire fence
perhaps a hundred years ago
a field now turned into woods dense’
- the second and fourth lines of this stanza feel forced stan

??
'Or here and there a cedar row -
seeds dropped by birds that flew and wheeled
perhaps a hundred years ago
and dense wood grew from open field’

‘unheard on the sylvan breeze’ – suggest ‘silent’ instead of ‘unheard’

a lovely journey as usual
thank you
hugs judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Tue, 2012-07-17 12:50

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grey sombre- gray somber......I've seen them spelled both wat...I'll check the ol' dictionary
I like the tales instead of stories and will change fortwith
plough- plow have already checked this in the past plough is an older form of writting plow
that tree growing around an old fence post is in need of better writing
as is the stanza describing how one comes up on straight rows of cedars which were planted by bird droppings along old fence rows
I think I'll stck with unheard as it kind of implies they Could be heard if one listens closely
Hmmm..... either I'm improving or you're cutting me more slack on scansion lol. Thanks for coming by......stan

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judyanne

Wed, 2012-07-18 04:26

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i'm cutting you a bit of slack for the moment, or else you will really get sick of me :)
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Wed, 2012-07-18 08:30

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Now how could I get sick of that lilting Australian accent?................stan

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loved

Tue, 2012-07-17 09:48

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you are a real poet ....yes
b
u
t

are you a reel poet

born poet

or trained poet

or made poet

or cast poet
or free verse poet
or
MANY DAWNS POET

like me..??

what ever you are u r
musically
poetically
expert that all can see...

loved

scribbler

Tue, 2012-07-17 12:54

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I'm an untrained po (poor) poet lol. Thanks for coming by. My ol' hip is healing well enough that I can soon start feturning the favor again..................stan

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loved

Tue, 2012-07-17 13:26

loved's picture

and I am below
the po poo pooveer ..tee ...lineeeeeeee then.
ahahahaa
thanks

loved

Ian.T

Wed, 2012-07-18 03:48

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I am so sorry to hear that you are below the Poverty line, but I have been told by someone else that your lives are full to overflowing, so much so that you give all you can in words and deeds to others..
Therefore you are richer beyond others, I shall send healing to your hip Stan and to Loved I send a perfect mirror so that he can really see himself as he has so many doubts.
I should really send him some magic Ink for his quill so that his words flow as they should, Take care both, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

scribbler

Wed, 2012-07-18 08:28

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I remember my father saying it's not how much money you make that counts, it's what you do with it. So although not wealthy I get by. Thanks for coming back around.............stan

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loved

Wed, 2012-07-18 13:14

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I should really send him some magic Ink for his quill
so that his words flow
as they should, and do...

well I bestow upon ailing humanity,
all my love and donate well too,
whatever I have,
I do share with all of you.
albeit I am not as rich
as a King
nor as poor too
the poverty line is relative
the slum dwellers have
air conditioners and BMW's too
and they pay nothing for electricity
and have no parking woes,
as guys your and my ilk
always cry ado

loved

judyanne

Sun, 2013-02-10 10:15

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great edit stan
xxx
.

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

scribbler

Sun, 2013-02-10 13:05

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Thank you. It took fresh eyes to spot that obvious typo and then prune the other excess word. And I expect I'm not quite done with this one yet................stan

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mand

Sun, 2013-07-28 07:24

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I will never tire of these type of poems I feel as if I am walking in your tracks, feeling what you feel, seeing what you see! You etch a lovley word picture. I love the detail.

I'm quite late in reading this poem so critque has already been suggested - nothing more to suggest.

Keep that pen flowing.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

scribbler

Sat, 2013-08-03 15:14

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My comp has been in the shop for the past week which is my excuse for not responding earlier. I welcome you to Always accompany me on my wanderings and am glad you enjoy them................stan

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