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Where are my dancing shoes..... AUGUST CONTEST
I am wearing
my dancing shoes
will come across some clues
when I am out of the blues
but where are my dancing shoes?
Buried with granny's jive
and behind the beehive
where now under six feet she lies
clinging on to my dancing shoes
dig up her grave will you
and
let me have my
lovely ballet golden ones
dancing shoes
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
Contest:
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Comments
Barbara Writes
Tue, 2015-08-04 21:55
Love the rhyme
We know our grannies love to dance their jig. My mom had that slow drag dance down. Love seeing mom and dad dancing shoes. They're sick now so those shoes gone now. But they're still here. Sorry for your grannie.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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lovedly
Tue, 2015-08-04 22:17
I loved my grand pas
I loved my grand pas
They were dead before I was born
I saw both grannies
they both were
DEADLY
very deadly
poisonous snakes perhaps could be more friendly!
any wonder my grandpas left early?
so why be sorry
glad they passed away
now its my turn they say
they call me every day
but still from them
far away I stay
hell will go loose I say
let both grannies now with grand pas
for the sake of Pete's life for ever stay
I ain't going to join them any way
To the far beyond of the universe
I shall go right away
by passing their poisonous pathways
author commentBarbara Writes
Fri, 2015-08-07 11:31
Smh
No comment lo
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
Rula
Wed, 2015-08-05 16:22
hello Loved
It's good to see you contributing in the contest.
Thanks for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
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lovedly
Wed, 2015-08-05 22:35
thank u
one must participate
else who will come to neopoets
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2015-08-05 16:41
Hi Rula
Good use of rhyme in free verse............stan
lovedly
Wed, 2015-08-05 22:36
kindness
first hurdle crossed
wow
author commentlovedly
Fri, 2015-08-07 12:54
thanks for the mention
first hurdle crossed eh!
Stan
ur a lovely friend
o man!!!!
author commentSparrow
Sat, 2015-08-08 12:08
Loved
I am not sure but the order of the stanzas seems amiss. Firstly you are wearing your shoes then they are no more and you have to disturb Gran to retrieve them??
"I am wearing them now" Make this the last line
Where are my dancing shoes
will I come across some clues
when I am out of the blues.
This would flow to the schedule of events..
Yours as always Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
lovedly
Sun, 2015-08-09 12:13
thanks shall do
Ian and how is this in the meantime tilll i poemise
Magical Calypso Dance
No lust just a prance
no lust no frustration of breast feed it’s just a demonstration all views are were lovely at the calypsos beach where the ea was out of reach but all in bikinis serpentine as in the airports immigration lines all viewing with swallowed saliva at the beauty around and gals and guys with almost nothing on was a sight as when a gal breast fed her kid under the shade of a towel helped by her hubby another in the corner of the open veranda in public view had her bf to help her, her undo and strip below his sight as she set her inners and pubic wet right with a replacement unmindful of the world we all are as if blind o what a sight breast feed twas alright for a variety of sight different views of lovely ones how i wish i could for ever stay in the queue
Hahahahaaaaa u will be surprised
it’s not what you think .......
watch out for my next
poem
breast feed
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