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When I wake up I think abot this...

Submitted by Anna Severchuk on Tue, 2022-11-22 10:35

f – for fire that you keep inside
r – for right to share your inner light
e – for easy way to choose your side
e – for every choice is clear and bright
d – for days are full of joy and glee
o – for options pop-up constantly
m – for many paths you can explore
can you think of something more?

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

November 2022 Random Challenge When I wake up in the morning

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rula

Tue, 2022-11-22 14:52

Hello Anna

I've very much enjoyed reading this rhyming uplifting acrostic piece.
Just one suggestion if I may, try to drop the letter with ”for" at the beginning of each line and see if it reads better. I learnt not to underestimate my reader and they never disappointed me. Even if they don't notice that it's acrostic, they'll enjoy it anyway.

Great to read you. Looking forward to reading more
Thank you for sharing.

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Geezer

Tue, 2022-11-22 13:25

I think you...

can go either way with that "for". I don't think it matters that much, although she is right, our readers are not stupid, they can figure it out. I would leave it inb and see what the rest of them say about it. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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Lavender

Tue, 2022-11-22 17:53

When I Wake Up, I think About This...

Hello, Anna,
Another inspiring poem from you. I always think it's interesting and fun when the rhyming pattern is changed around, like you've done here. I would have to agree to remove the "for" from each of the lines. A couple suggestions you may consider:
f - fire that you keep inside
r - right to share your inner light

or, (probably the most popular form);

Fire that you keep inside
Right to share your inner light

Maybe skip a space between the second to last and final lines. These are just suggestions. It is an inspiring poem, and I enjoyed it.
Thank you!
L

RoseBlack

Fri, 2022-11-25 05:00

Hi Anna

Well done. I like your interpretation of the word Freedom and the use of acrostics for this piece.

~RoseBlack~

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When I wake up I think abot this...