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The Werecub's Prophecy

The elders gathered beneath a cloud-covered sky; somber and staid unlike the usual chatter; waiting for the crimson moon to unveil what was the matter. Silent stars stretched out and smacked them in the face, foreboding a destiny that would endanger their entire race.

A change in the wind allowed the long-awaited light to creep in. Amarok rose, his eyes glistening yellow, suppressing his fear, he faced the council; "Let us begin."

The vision was clear, an enemy was near. Amarok howled a howl that would shatter any mortal's soul. The elders echoed the sound as they did so many times before. "There is hope from the one who will save us all. When it comes to call, he will rise and stop our demise. It has been written in the night skies."

Mutters of doubt filtered throughout; the urge to resist putting their trust in someone yet to exist. Thunder in the distance, shook the elders' with a boom; adding to the pending doom. Yet their leader spoke on.

"Born from a mortal mother; a werecub like no other; My bloodline, it's true, the only son of Conri will do." His lips curled in a snarl at the sound of the murmurs. His bones cracked, his muscles snapped and his voice turned into a growl. Fangs that dripped, talons that ripped, the switch had been flipped.

Snatching and swooping; tearing and terror, Amorak ruled with an iron fist. Blood sprayed in a firey mist. "Who's next?"

The elders cowered as he towered over them before morphing back. Sometimes even the highest ranks had to be reminded who was leader of the pack.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Last few words: 
Tales of A Modern Day Beast- continued...I think this may be Western structure, I could not find a clear definition on google.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Werecub's Prophecy" is an intriguing tale of a group of elders facing a prophesied danger to their race. The use of vivid imagery, such as the "crimson moon" and "silent stars stretched out," creates a sense of foreboding and impending doom. The character of Amarok is portrayed as a strong leader who is willing to face his fears and rally his people. The repetition of the howling sound and the prophecy of a savior add to the mystical and supernatural elements of the poem.

One suggested line edit would be to change "counsel" to "council" in the line "suppressing his fear, he faced the counsel." This would correct a spelling error and improve the overall clarity of the poem.

Overall, the poem effectively creates a sense of tension and suspense, and the character of Amarok is well-developed. However, the sudden shift in his character from a strong leader to a violent aggressor feels abrupt and could benefit from more development. Additionally, some of the phrasing, such as "blood sprayed in a fiery mist" and "tearing and terror," feel overly violent and graphic, detracting from the overall tone of the poem.

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Welcome back! The species we are dealing with are Lycan, therefore a shift in their behavior is often fast and aggressive. Amarok is a strong leader who commands respect even in trying times such as what they will be facing in the future. I will edit the spelling error and see if I can rework the overly violent and graphic portions of the poem, however, it draws into Lycan behaviors and culture.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

You encouraged me to give this story a go...so it's going....hope it will continue to get good responses.

~RoseBlack~

author comment

I think this style provides you with a lot of freedom and leeway. I see a really quick progression happening in your writing lately. I’d even say a new divergent style which is cool as hell really because it’s gonna help the traditional poetry too. I like this style. I do advise not to abandon your other styles of poetry, and of course just straight prose. I rather enjoy the shorter pieces where you say a lot with few words.

Tim

As always, thank you for your feedback. I promise not to abandon my other styles of writing. I enjoy them all. Glad you liked this one and like this style!

~RoseBlack~

author comment

Western structured forms of poetry are things like sonnets, limericks, etc, that come from the western world, usually European traditions. Eastern structured poems are things like the Japanese haiku and senryu or the Korean sijo. There are eastern forms of poetry that do not base the pattern on syllables, but that's a decent rule of thumb.

For the purposes of Neopoet, if it has a rhyme scheme and/or other pattern that is rhythm or meter-based instead of syllable-based, and it's clearly not free verse, "Western structured" is usually a safe bet. Prose poetry like this blurs the lines, but keeping the label of structured is all good.

I gotta work my way back through this series!

Kelsey

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Thank you for the good information! There are two poems Wolf Moon and Hybrid that will be effective later on. Also check out my unrelated pieces Broken Boy-Living Doll and Poppet. Another series. China doll is another poem that will fit in. I'm doing some experimenting these days.

~RoseBlack~

author comment
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