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Welcome to the Block
`
Curses lick with jest
at the small
of your back,
then they sear -
stinging hot:
Look around,
oath on jaundiced cloud;
kids with eyes
big as watermelons
hold the prods of hell's burning.
`
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
There are many images and prompts in the lines. So make of it what you will. Soar and fly with it. Cheers.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2010-11-22 10:58
hello
reading your poem was like looking at a painting... so richly vivid in imagery!
always, cat
p.s.
"kids with eyes
big as watermelons
hold the prods of hell's burning."
those pictures always look tortured to me and this line really brings that home.
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 07:51
thanking you kindly
for your words of comment and encouragement. Freds
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentcrypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 07:52
Thanks xena
Yes, it can be quite eerie especially when disposed to read it in that light. Again, thanking you. Freds
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentRace_9togo
Mon, 2010-11-22 21:40
Cryptic
Make of it what I will?
Okay.
I see a soul cringe at sudden laughing words filled with gleeful petty hatred and violence who, when she turns to find the source of such denigration, discovers the innocence of small children, and knows it comes from them.
Very powerful, very vivid, in such a small write.
And the title tells us where, and makes us understand the territorial nature of our species, especially when it comes to strangers in the city.
This is what I make of it.
Very well done.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-11-25 07:54
Jim
Loved what the poem has brought before you. There are insiders and outsiders, communities and the disenfranchised (failed integration). Your feedback is much welcomed and you are much appreciated. Freds
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author comment