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The war inside
I can feel it inside me,
The storm of my emotions brewing.
The rumbling building into crashing.
The thunder of my memories,
Clashing with the lightening of my emotions.
Like a war silently growing.
A war in my head that I can't ignore,
The love and hate I have for you conflicting with one another.
But all I can do is close my eyes,
Close my eyes and pretend im okay.
Pretend that tears rolling down my cheeks are just raindrops rolling down a window.
Just keep pretending that you still care.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I wrote this to almost look like it was about a relationship break up. But its actual about trying to form a relationship with my dad and it failing each time, and having that familial love broke each time I tried to form that type of connection.
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Wed, 2023-03-15 19:28
Connection
We all strive for human connection, familial and otherwise. I’m sorry to hear about your struggle to maintain a relationship with your father. I think you’re an excellent writer and I would be honored if you shared more with us.
Welcome to Neopoet
Nice job with a difficult situation,
Tim
Lavender
Thu, 2023-03-16 20:33
The War Inside
Hello, Erin,
Your feelings are very clear and your poem is well written. I'm glad you have this gift of poetry to release these thoughts and hopefully somewhat soothe your soul. I look forward to reading more.
Welcome!
Lavender