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Wanting to Passionately Know
Who is this Girl ?
This Dark Madame of Rebellion ?
Has She ever Loved before, and if so will She Again?
Keep in Mind, I am her Friend,
A Simple Plan, To Be Her Man,
Maybe One Day Even Take Her Hand.
Can We Step To The Path of a Broken Heart,
And Bring Ourselves to Sow The Pieces That Were Torn All Apart
Just to show Her How Strong our Love Could Be,
If She could only See Herself through Me.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Hello,, My Name is Gerald Lee, I'm a single father of a wonderful 13 year old boy.
I've been passionate about creative writing since I was very young and in doing so, managed to be awarded twice the Akarmans Young Authors Award and got to go to the Windsor Public Library and Got to actually meet Robert Munches. While growing up, I wrote in my free time, and entered other various contest's, and earned placement in those as well. I don't write for others,,I write for Myself and lately I have begun to realize that I have been given a great gift from Powers Much Greater than I'll ever know, and if the gift I have been given goes unused and unheard by others,,
It will undoubtedly be something that was a waste and should have been a blessing to someone other than Myself. I know I have talent and have been patiently waiting for a chance to be able to get the words I believe can change someone's life if read by them, but that's only if I take a chance and bet on myself, having to leap into the empty space void and have enough faith to know that I'll be alright if I do. Because that's what Faith is Right,,? It's not knowing,or seeing, But Still Believing.
And I Believe in Myself because if I don't,,than Who else is going to,,?
Editing stage:
Contest:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Rosewood Apothecary
Sat, 2023-01-14 05:21
I read your poem
Welcome to neopoet. I think you’re a beautiful writer. Your poem is very good and I can’t really find much about it to critique. I read your last words. I encourage you to write. If you wanna touch people with your talent I think you’ve found a place here. I’ve found so much support and encouragement as well as advice.
As far as belief in oneself, it’s really all anyone ever needs. However, I can say that I’ve found a few folks in this world who believe in me even when I don’t believe in myself and some of those people are members right here on the site.
Welcome
Tim
Rula
Sat, 2023-01-14 05:24
Hello
Welcome to Neopoet. i hope you'd enjoy your time and give us a chance to exchange the feedback that helps us all to grow with our poetry which is everyone's passion here.
I just thought you didn't really need to capitalize all those words in the poem's body.
I especially like the last two lines. I am looking forward to reading more of your works.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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RoseBlack
Sat, 2023-01-14 07:00
Welcome to Neopoet
This was a very good poem. I encourage you to continue to write and develop your skills. This is a wonderful place to explore and learn. We are not just writers here but a family who supports all the unique journeys we are on as individuals and writers. Welcome!
~RoseBlack~
IknowimgoodEnuf82
Sun, 2023-01-22 04:02
I'd just like say thank you
I'd just like say thank you so much for the kind words regarding my poem, and I look forward hearing what other people' have to say about the writing I intended to submit in the near future.
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-01-15 04:54
hello, nice to meet you,
I noticed you have a thing for capitalizing many words that should not be. what is your reasoning behind this habit?
inquiringly, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Tue, 2023-01-17 11:41
hello again...
on rereading your poem I found a mistake. in this line: "And Bring Ourselves to Sow The Pieces That Were Torn All Apart" do you mean "Sew" instead of (Sow)?
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
IknowimgoodEnuf82
Sun, 2023-01-22 03:59
First, I'd just like to say
First, I'd just like to say thank you for pointing out that spelling error to me about the word (sew). Secondly, I am going to be paying more attention to details in regards to proper punctuation and grammar. After I do submit further pieces of my work, I absolutely look forward to reading what you, and the others in the group here have to say about them.
Thank You For Taking The Time To Read.
Sincerely Jerry L. Martin
*IknowimgoodEnuf82*
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-01-22 17:20
dear Jerry,
thank you for your response. will you also be reading other poet/members poems and commenting on them? it would be great if you did. I'm sure everyone would enjoy and learn from it.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.