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There is a house today full of gloom
The smell of food lingers in every room
She feels sadness as soon as she walks in
He is lying quietly in the almost empty den
There is talk of life, and there is talk of death
She tries her best to catch her labored breath
She remembers the last time that she left
Now he is gone, she only blames herself
She feels her tears as they start to fall down
It will be the last time she sees him above ground
She walks into the den and sees him lying there
People are weeping, and they are gasping for air
They comfort each other as they are standing in line
She stands before him; he looks different than last time
He shows no smile or any signs of pain on his face
No scars on his wrist, of tears there is no trace
She knows that she cannot watch them throw dirt
As deep inside, she knows that she will always hurt
In her heart, she knows there will always be an ache
Her heart is heavy her tears flow as she leaves the wake

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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
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Not Explicit Content


obvious flaws in this piece. Every line rhyme is hard to do. I see only one place where you didn't follow it and it looks as though it just might be a pause for breath before carrying on the rest of the work. To me, the suicide of a jilted lover, is the ultimate revenge from a person that cares only for themselves, not because they feel they cannot live without the other. Too bad that this person will have to live with it for the rest of their lives, because of the selfishness of someone who didn't care about them, only having the last ultimate word. ~ Geezer.

This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place

Thanks for reading Geezer

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