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The Waiting Room

I didn't even want to be there
In that room painted white
With a table and chair
It didn't feel right
I thought it was odd
no reason at all.
The point of that curtain
which hung on the wall.
"Now you must wait here"
The translator said
But something was troubling me so I said
"I'm sorry but I have to know
I have to make sure before I can go."
OK she said in the doorway to stay
So I nodded my head there was nothing to say.
The coffin was laying just to the right
I steadied myself with all of my might
They slowly slid the lid ajar
so that I could look in
and see from afar.
I stepped into that room of white
My eyes beheld an awful sight
His skin was yellow green and blue
I sighed then but at least I knew.

My stomach churned
And my heart just froze.
As I placed in that coffin
a single red rose.
The lid put back on and the coffin was gone.
They beckoned me then
to stand and look.
As that curtain was drawn
and tied to its hook.
So I looked through the glass
What a sight I did see!
As there in that room
stood furnaces 3 !
With doors opened wide
my soul it did toughen
As they slid my poor dad
Into that great pizza oven!
I could hardly believe
But I just couldnt leave.
As the doors they slammed shut
and a furnace did roar.
Up went the temperature
I saw on the door.
The translator is crying...
As she looks at me.
I'm sorry she says for your misery.
She asks me for coffee
if I have the time.
But I'm off to the pub to drink gallons of wine !!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Waiting Room" is a chilling and emotional piece that takes the reader on a journey through the speaker's experience of waiting to see their deceased father. The use of vivid imagery and sensory details creates a haunting atmosphere that lingers long after the poem is finished.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. One of the most noticeable issues is the lack of consistent meter and rhyme scheme, which can make the poem feel disjointed and uneven in places. Additionally, some of the lines feel slightly awkward or forced, which detracts from the overall impact of the piece.

One suggested line edit that could help to improve the flow of the poem is to change the phrasing of the line "so that I could look in and see from afar." To make the line more concise and impactful, it could be revised to simply read "and see him from afar."

Overall, "The Waiting Room" is a powerful and evocative poem that effectively captures the speaker's emotions and experiences. With some minor tweaks to the language and structure, it has the potential to become an even stronger piece of writing.

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