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Voyage of The Rum Runner... Chapter II

The storm roared
as a living thing
throughout the night
only to whimper away
at the appearance
of the brash sun.
The flotsam of our brave ship
spread upon the shore
gave the only proof
of her demise.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

"The storm roared
as a living thing
throughout the night
only to whimper away
at the appearance
of the brash sun."

The the usage of personification in the poem. It creates an image in the reader's mind in a more engaging way.

You're a poetic master!

Nice piece!
.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Those are my favorite lines also. I thought of the sun being brash, because it appeared as though nothing had happened and was as hot and merciless as any other day. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

you alway manage to get a lot into a few words

sometimes, I am wordy as all get out! Thanks for the read and comments
~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Simple, short write with an excellent story. I look forward to reading more about this.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

it all started with "The Voyage Of The Rum Runner" by Candlewitch and continues by talented poets.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

having an unofficial round-robin. Just a little something to keep things fresh around here. I can make it an oficial kind of thing by compilng a list and having people going in turn, if there is enough interest. ~ Geez.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Perhaps a new activity here on Neo? I kind of like the informal challenges like we have been doing with colors as well!! I think it really brought out some of the best in all of us. We have lots of new members that are actively participating so they may be interested in some of these activities as well.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

on this new development. Glad to see that there is interest. Informal is good, but there will have to be a little structure. I think that a list to keep things from getting out of hand and order should be a prerequisite. Few rules, but at least a couple. Thanks for showing interest. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

To keep the flow going and keep everything on task. I am excited to see what comes of this :)

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

your continuation is mighty fine! I cannot choose favorite lines or break apart something that stands on it's own two feet. nice work!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

indicated to RoseBlack, I like the idea well enough to make it an official kind of thing, if there seems to be enough interest.
I will think upon the whole idea and come up with a proposal. Thanks for getting this started. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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