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THE VISITOR
He never did quite fall to earth
just dipped into our stratosphere
with a look of barely contained mirth
for all that he saw here.
He orbited just beyond the norm
and bade us all to join him there
to find new expression, maybe form
out among his great somewhere.
At times he'd fly beyond the moon.
There he'd change and then emerge
to show where we'd be going soon.
He would lead but seldom urge.
A cometary cameleon man
who shed his skins like a lizard
just to show that we, too, can
sometimes by saying just one word.
But he has left his orbit now
and gone to see what he might see
beyond his private starship's prow.
Now at last he's flying free.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
For David Bowie who showed us that we're none of us just a single thing.................
Editing stage:
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Comments
Esker
Mon, 2016-01-18 01:40
beyond the hills
and far above the blue
amazing mix of your work
unique voice this created
poem has.....It has captured
the lyric of the artist
written by another artist
we are life
imitating art
that imitates life
thank U!
scribbler
Mon, 2016-01-18 19:29
Hi
I took a few days tinkering with this to try and capture his way of evolving. Also instead of accidentally having rhythm slips I put in a few on purpose to emphasize how eccentric he seemed to be to us mere mortals. Appreciate your dipping into undiscovered works to dig this out lol.........stan
author commentBuddha
Wed, 2016-01-20 22:09
A Tribute
A lovely and touching tribute to an amazing artist, thank you.
scribbler
Thu, 2016-01-21 17:26
Hello!
Always good to see a new member show up on my page. appreciate the visit and thanks for the kind comment.......stan
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2016-01-20 23:37
and Stan
you are the bestest
western poet style
here
that's why free verse to you is not dear
so you rarely
loved hear
nor endear
but I don't fear
as some day you will also hear
Loved who?
o that many dawns one ?
gone with the wind
now riding some thing something
till comes another tsunami
let him be
in the midst of the sea
alone may be
he will swim along some day with me
scribbler
Thu, 2016-01-21 17:28
Hi loved
Naw, the best western classic poet here is Lonnie I think. Always good to see you and I hope the work on the book will ease off soon allowing me to get back to reading And commenting a bit more.....stan
author commentlovedly
Thu, 2016-01-21 18:41
i haven't ever read LOONie
as he she has never read me
scribbler
Fri, 2016-01-22 00:25
It seems
the two of you might have a bit of not-so-good history
author commentlovedly
Fri, 2016-01-22 14:18
2 day two morrow
today ur here......tomorrow u will be there .
...today you r into her.... tomorrow she won't be near.... so lie in her and endear.... why fear.... tomorrow will come ....do you hear .... but it will be another today ....so in side ur lover's heart do stay.... tomorrow is coming don't sway...... have a hay day ..be gay if you may. as of ..today..... for tomorrow you may for her pray ....so don't dismay ,,she will go far away...today is yesterday's tomorrow.... all say...you may love to follow.... O poet yes u may
a rambler poem for a guy
who did for is lover cry
Sparrow
Fri, 2016-01-22 04:17
Stan
He flies on though we would like him to stay.
As all things space and time bends to hold him now.
He is held in our time but space is his refuge with all those other greats.
Lovely write there Stan for a Star man..
Yours as always, Ian..
.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti
scribbler
Fri, 2016-01-22 17:23
Hi Ian
I'm pleased you enjoyed this little scribble........stan
author comment