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Victorious

I am drunk with victory,
The old enemy is defeated.
Won a battle with myself, gloriously.
But happy I cannot be
For I am also leaving
The battlefield beaten and battered.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This is my very first poem.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

nice to meet you...for a very first poem it is excellent, in my opinion! it is a bit dark, which I can really appreciate. I'm a bit dark myself. welcome to Neopoet, we are glad to have you as a member! in your poem, it seems like you had a mighty battle with yourself and won. my question is: which side was it that was victorious? the light or the dark?

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

On the day 'Victorious' was finished the light took the spoils, but the battle is still on and the scale tips from one side to the other each day. It is as suspenseful as a Hitchcock film.

Thank you for the welcoming words and also for the comments on my poem. I am still learning how to write poetry beyond simple gut feeling and trying to write more in English (Serbian is my mother tongue). Every critique is more than welcome.

Jack

author comment

you are very welcome!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

this is very good for a first poem. You also seem to have a pretty fair grasp of English. I don't believe that there is anything I would change. This is a good poem for a couple of reasons; you have made your poem clear, without any stumbles and
have won a victory over an old enemy! Welcome to Neopoet! I hope that you receive all the help you need with learning to write like you want. My advice is to read a lot of the poets here and the critique and comments, you will get a lot from the exchanges you see here. I hope to see much more from you! ~ Geezer.
.

Thank you very much for your comment, I appreciate every opinion I can get. On Neopoet I expect a lot to come from experienced poets and I am sure they will be invaluable.
I fell in love with English language in grammar school, thanks to my English teacher, and am doing my best for this romance to not only last a lifetime, but also grow every day. Over the years I concentrated on translation and reading, and only recently ventured into writing. We'll see how it goes. My main focus in writing is Serbian language, but I will do my best to switch to English from time to time...

Cheers,
Jack

author comment

By "first poem" did you mean the very first you have written? Or perhaps the first submission to this website?

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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I honestly did not expect much attention in the first 24 hours here but I really do feel welcome. Thank you.
'Victoriuos' was indeed my very first poem, written in April 2021. It somehow formed itself out of my portion of a chat with my colleague at the office. It ended up being written in English by pure chance. Before this I thought I could NEVER write a poem. I am glad I was not right, because it opened a whole new world of expression to me.
Thanks for the encouragement.

Jack

author comment
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