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Veil

Ray-ban shades, reflective lenses I recall
The darkened rims, rounded & small
Hands in pockets, head looking down
Past the station & then the shopping mall

Looked from the ground & peered from my hood
Thought I recognised a man from the way he stood
I knew that face but from where I couldn’t recall
I gave him a friendly smirk, the best that I could

"I saw the shadow of my former self the other day
Wandering aimlessly down the street
He looked over at me & gave me that smirk
But I looked away before our eyes could meet"

"I saw the shadow of myself only yesterday
Walking arrogantly along the street
He looked over at me & gave me that grin
But I turned away & made a quick retreat"

Combat trousers, hanging off the hip
Black t-shirt, no logo, just a small rip
Dragging my feet, with perfected swagger
Nothing on my shoulder, just the usual chip

Looked up from the floor & focused ahead
Thought I recognised a man, with the shaven head
I’d seen him before, just not sure from where
Then he’d gone, must’ve been someone else instead

Was that really me?
Do I look like that?
When did I grow old?
When did I change?
I look ill, drawn & pale
No wonder I hide under that hood-like veil

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I really like how you depict the many stages of life. old age comes upon us very slowly, it just kind of creeps up on us having stalked us from the shadows. I can only wish I were your age. the reaper is in my headlights. so stop and look around my brother, you are a very old soul. I wish I could into your eyes, see your handsome face. you know things that many your age don't have a clue about. so, I know from reading your work, and our many conversations. I wouldn't trade our relationship for any amount of money or promises.
favorite lines are:
Combat trousers, hanging off the hip
Black t-shirt, no logo, just a small rip
Dragging my feet, with perfected swagger
Nothing on my shoulder, just the usual chip

love, Sis

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When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thanks for the read & comment. I am struggling with this one. I can’t it to flow how I wanted. I’ll leave it for now but I will have to come back to it.

I think the imagery is off.

Anyway,

Thanks

One

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

to look at one's self through the eyes of retrospect. Yeah, I see myself too; it's not hard to remember the swagger of knowing it all. The joy of I told you so never realized; where are we now? Heh, I like this one a lot. ~ Geez.
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This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks.

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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

And the rhyming is impeccable. A really nice read!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

author comment

Am impressed with the whole thing. This piece reaches me in ways that I think are mostly well-hidden in myself.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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