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The Unbroken Love
This love is in eternal flames
unquenchable flames of fire
my soul lighted by your desire
I will continually giving you new names
From ages to ages, we remain aflame
our souls have deeply connected
this love of ours on a steady flame
it's constantly reignited
our love has passed the test of time
and surviving tidal waves in the past
there's no flicker of smoke can dent it's prime
'cause eternal flames never burn out or cast
this love of ours can't be separated
it's our umbilical cord
that holds each ones life unabated
you're the princess I'm your lord
©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
Imo State - Republic of Biafra(Nigeria)
Favorite Poets
Late Christopher Okigbo, Wole soyinka, Maya Angelou, W.H. Longfellow, John Milton, W.B. Yeat.
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Comments
Geezer
Mon, 2022-02-21 09:25
Unbroken Love...
Your title is good, the rhyme, rhythm and pacing likewise.
Your beginning and end were tied together well by the whole.
Try these things to smooth it out:
1] This love is [in] eternal flames
2] My soul lighted by thy desire - delete the [is]
3] Our souls have deeply connected
4] This love of ours on a steady flame
5] It's constantly reignited
6] Our love has passed the [test ] of time
7] and surviving tidal waves in the past
8] there's no flicker of smoke can dent it's prime
9] This love of ours can't be separated
10] it's our umbilical cord
I don't normally do this, I just felt that maybe if you saw
what it could be... I enjoyed your story and urge you to keep reading and studying
other, people's work and you will be a great poet.
~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2022-02-21 15:36
hello Jack
I think Geezer covered all the changes I would have made. this is a beautiful and expressive love poem! I much enjoyed it :) good work.
*hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Jackweb
Mon, 2022-02-21 17:05
The same
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
author commentJackweb
Mon, 2022-02-21 17:06
The same
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
author commentJackweb
Mon, 2022-02-21 17:13
appreciations goes to you
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
author commentJackweb
Mon, 2022-02-21 17:16
Thank you!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
author commentJackweb
Mon, 2022-02-21 17:17
Thank you!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
author commentJackweb
Mon, 2022-02-21 17:17
Thank you!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
author commentJackweb
Mon, 2022-02-21 17:22
Wow! wow!! wow!!!
I so much appreciate you, the literary luminary in the person of "Geezer,". I don't know how to say it, but you are such a kind poet that takes others as your own blood. Your proofreading and corrections are my backbone. I will definitely put the verse in order according to the lines you itemized! Thank you so much!
CandleWitch thank you for reading through. I will definitely follow the instructions.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
author commentRay Whitaker
Fri, 2022-02-25 21:17
Wow, Onyinyechi
Such a great piece. Mystical. Down in the depths of what love can be.
What Geezer listed above are so concise, I have little to add there.
Except: Mystical. Down in the depths of what love can be. [wait I did I already say that???]
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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Jackweb
Sat, 2022-02-26 07:06
Well said
I appreciate all your asertions.
My regards!
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
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