Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Ultimate End......edit.....

Submitted by lovedly on Tue, 2022-12-27 10:00

Eighty three years lapsed
moved along side the rivers
Thames
Mississippi
Rhine
finally may be
Nile..

at times we swam
many times sat along the banks
then pulled out our verbal swords.... ....

man come out
let's sort all out..
some vanish
many banish
then comes the finality
all have left you bereft

but now all alone
like in a cradle helpless
Solve all these strives
once alive

for when the last one has also gone
all will realise
the futility of a long drawn
snarling life

let's try and live
with love whilst alive
what will you and we do
when all is ashes or burried

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
when life is nought
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2022-12-27 10:38

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

like an ambiguous, sword-waving-soldier that wades in many waters. Or maybe an alien looking to root out the last of mankind after a long and bloody war, wondering what he will do after the last of the enemy is dead. Good story! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

lovedly

Tue, 2022-12-27 11:45

lovedly's picture

family story fighting for wealth
Gee

author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2022-12-27 18:35

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

I know just a little about. Thanks for the elucidation! ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Lavender

Tue, 2022-12-27 18:40

Lavender's picture
Volunteer badge

Hi, Lovedly,
It seems this is a futile battle with the final realization that nothing was worth death, and that love should have been the solution. I don't recall reading anything like this from you before. It feels like there should be more to this story.
Lav

lovedly

Wed, 2022-12-28 03:03

lovedly's picture

Then I will try and clarify
the legacy struggle in richer families
appear like a malady
Save their greed and sin
kindly

author comment

Seren

Mon, 2023-01-09 14:27

Seren's picture

Did you miss me? lol

I love this story Loved ;)

Jess would be proud of you

love & hugs J xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

lovedly

Tue, 2023-01-10 01:58

lovedly's picture

ah yes I'm the evolution of poetry
only as you know
jess kicked me
and like a football
I now fly sky high

Thanks for coming in

author comment

Seren

Tue, 2023-01-10 10:27

Seren's picture

I thought I'd surprise you lol

Glad you missed me I've missed you all more than you could ever know. I have been through a rough time the last 15mths but I am hoping this year has better things in store. I hope you're well?

Biggest hugs Take care of yourself

Love J x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-01-10 05:09

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

but why all CAPS in the title? it is like you are shouting at us!!! NOBODY LIKES ALL CAPS!!!
Jess would frown at the title...he yelled at me for doing that same thing. the rest of the poem is enchanting.

*love & hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

lovedly

Tue, 2023-01-10 05:57

lovedly's picture

being half blind
I often need caps to see
well I have paid heed
as per your need
half blind micy me
ok mouse

author comment

Seren

Tue, 2023-01-10 10:33

Seren's picture

Given your age I think that we can handle being yelled at a little hey Cat? Wouldn't be the first time haha! hugs Love you both to bits x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

lovedly

Tue, 2023-01-10 11:49

lovedly's picture

who speak out their mind
one way we learn
if we are blind
it isn't their fault
we ought of NEO
Pole Vault
or wait halt
bows
to
Cats

LOL

author comment

Seren

Tue, 2023-01-10 12:12

Seren's picture

Always thankful of critique Loved. It's the only way we grow. But sometimes exceptions can be made. It actually drives me bonkers lol but but but you need to see!!

Love to all xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-01-10 10:33

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

you are very welcome!

b-t-w: I am 71, I will be 72 coming February 18th.

Love, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

lovedly

Tue, 2023-01-10 11:52

lovedly's picture

I'm passed 83
years
not months
lol
I learnt in life
smiles humor laughter ...are must
brood too
but alone in loo
when u can't.........................do...............

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-01-10 12:02

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

Good health to you, Sir wear it well!

*hugs & love, Cats
*ever, eddy styx

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

lovedly

Tue, 2023-01-10 13:10

lovedly's picture

its coz of poets like you
who have sharpened my poetry from an autumn leaf you turned me into a poetic soil manure no not to forget you all how you toiled
to pick up a blade of grass
to compose line
like a robot poetry pen

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.