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A Trip Down Memory Lane.

A trip down memory lane, okay don't expect this to be sane! I remember alot till this age. Unblindly I was always in a rage, mama wasn't there too page standing there waiting, mannequin mode steadily anticipating! In the beginning always crying mama always lying,. My tears started too feel like grime, they had no more time! Granny let me see the light I'ma lime!!. Both sour and bright, I'll put up a fight my memories are a lane that's only one way, so. Don't merge into something with a chaotic space.!

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

what you have here. I do wish that you would make it easier to read by putting it in verses or stanzas. [three or four lines]. ~ Geezer.
.

Thank you so much for your honesty, I will certainly take your words into consideration.

author comment

Greetings, Pop Goddess!
My interpretation of this feels like rap. If not, so sorry and I agree it should have more structured form to be easier to read and interpret. But if it is rap, there is something about it that immediately has tempo and rhyme, all blended together in one long, almost breathless rhythm. I feel some angry energy and that also adds to the rhythm.
Look forward to reading more from you,
Lavender

Thank you for your honesty, I will certainly be writing more poetry! And I hope you enjoy it!

author comment

is through, Geezer and Lavender had earlier pointed out about the structure. That would have make it more easier to be interpreted.

Point of correction: No word for (Unblindly)
Should be: (Unblinded or Blindly).

Your form or structure would appear more poetic if it is in this way:

A Trip Down Memory Lane.

A trip down memory lane,
okay don't expect this to be sane!
I remember a lot till this age.
Unblinded, I was always in a rage,

mama wasn't there too page standing there waiting,
mannequin mode steadily anticipating!
In the beginning always crying mama always lying,
My tears started too feel like grime,
they had no more time!

Granny let me see the light I'ma lime!!
Both sour and bright,
I'll put up a fight my memories are a lane that's only one way, so.
Don't merge into something with a chaotic space.!
.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

Thank you for your honesty, I will take into consideration what you have said, so I hope the more poetry coming you enjoy!

author comment

Thank you all so much!

author comment
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