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Tribute to Mother...

Submitted by Geezer on Sat, 2023-05-06 20:54

I wish that I had written letters to my mother
like my sister did
I wish that at least one of the dreams I had
came true... for her

I watched my crazy dreams crash and burn
you know,
where I was rich and famous
could buy her stuff...

I'm sure that my mother knew how much I loved her
but I know
I left scars on her heart, and even though she said
they had healed, I saw them

She was the glue, the sticky stuff, the honey
that kept drawing us all back
Putting aside our differences, our quarrels
To pay tribute to Mother

I'm sure that this month, with Mother's Day approaching
birthdays for three of us
and one celebration party for us all, at Steph's
I will read a poem for her

This is my gift, to keep her legacy alive a little longer
secure the new matriarch
and pass the torch to the new heartbeat
of our family

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
A Tribute To Mother
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-05-06 20:54

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

The poem "Tribute to Mother" is a heartfelt reflection on the speaker's relationship with their mother. The use of first-person narration allows the reader to connect with the speaker's emotions and experiences. However, the poem lacks depth and fails to engage the reader beyond a surface level.

The poem's structure is loose and unrefined, with no discernible rhyme scheme or meter. While this may work for some poems, it feels disjointed in this particular piece. The transitions between lines and stanzas are abrupt, making the poem feel disjointed and unpolished.

The imagery used in the poem is also underwhelming. The speaker's dreams of being rich and famous lack creativity and come across as cliché. The use of "glue," "sticky stuff," and "honey" to describe the mother feels unimaginative and overused.

The one line edit that could improve the poem is to replace "ensconce" with a more fitting word. "Ensconce" feels too formal and out of place in the context of the poem. A more appropriate word could be "embrace" or "honor."

Overall, "Tribute to Mother" is a poem with potential, but it needs more work to truly capture the reader's attention and emotions. The poem would benefit from a stronger structure, more vivid imagery, and a deeper exploration of the speaker's relationship with their mother.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Sun, 2023-05-07 09:36

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to give the sense of my mind giving up all these thoughts and images when I think of my mother, [she passed last year].
I'm still coming to terms with it, and I'm wishing that I had more than pictures and memories of her. I wish that I had been able to give her more than the kisses, hugs and visits. I would love to have the physical evidence of the conversations that we had.
Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

Ruby Lord

Sun, 2023-05-07 05:43

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Heart felt and honest.
I loved the way you used your childhood memories, dreams and siblings in this, it's raw and hits the spot. Using "I wish that" in the opening verse opens you up to the reader as we focus on your sense of loss and longing and potentially our own loss and longing. Excellent poem, it formed many images in my mind. Ruby :)

Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.

Geezer

Sun, 2023-05-07 09:56

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to Maximus, I wanted to try and get the thoughts of when I think of her and the things, I wanted to do for her. My mind was going a million miles an hour and wishing that I had managed to make her life as glorious as it should have been. She was an amazing woman, that managed to raise eight of us, three boys and five girls by two different alcoholic husbands who were not much help financially or emotionally and in general, a detriment to the family. She lived by herself after all of us were out on our own, and only at the last, was at a nursing home. Every year, when there were parties for her, the celebrations of major holidays, and birthdays, she was the magnet, the one that everyone made their way to upon arrival, and the one we all made sure to say goodbye to. Now, I am afraid that it won't be the same. I'm not sure that many of us will make the long trip to these gatherings. Some of us will, but the fetes won't have the same drawing power as we won't get to see her. I hope I'm wrong. Thank you for your read and comments, ~ Geezer.
..

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author comment

Lavender

Wed, 2023-05-10 17:07

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Hello, Geezer,
I recall many of your other poems about your Mother and your childhood. Based on what you have shared, I can't imagine anything that wasn't understood between the two of you. It sounds like a very fortunate and awesome relationship for both of you. Being a mother who's had a few heartaches myself, I can tell you they truly have healed as my children have grown and cared so tenderly for me. I imagine if your Mother said her heart was healed, she sincerely meant it. With Mother's Day just a few days away, I hope you and your family have a meaningful gathering like you want. But mostly I hope you get to spend a little time remembering the joy you cultivated so diligently with your Mother.
A genuine tribute you've written here.
L

Geezer

Thu, 2023-05-11 16:55

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so much. I sometimes forget about the things that I have shared here on Neo. It is a comforting thought that there are some here that remember how much I adored my mother, by the poems I have posted here. I am almost finished with my East Main St. Stories, just a few more things to tell about, maybe... I don't know if all of the stories can ever be told. I want to get some little bits from my sisters that lived there with Mom and me. I want them to look back and see with the adult eyes and sibling memories that we shared. Anyway, thank you for your comments, ~ Geez.
.

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author comment

Clentin

Thu, 2023-05-11 14:33

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Great poem. It reflects what many of us have as we age. Mother was so different while growing up
And unfortunately more thought about now each and every day.

Geezer

Thu, 2023-05-11 16:58

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I get that. I just finished telling Lavender that I wanted to ask my sisters about some things we shared as siblings, things that are memories and experiences through our now adult eyes. Thank you for your read and comments, ~ Geezer.
.

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author comment

Clentin

Thu, 2023-05-11 14:33

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Great poem. It reflects what many of us have as we age. Mother was so different while growing up
And unfortunately more thought about now each and every day.

Seren

Sat, 2023-06-17 09:55

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I truly can't say much because my face is full of tears, this one got me. I am literally crying my eyes out down here.

I know my kids have done things that, have yes scarred my heart but I am sure your Mum lived with those scars as a badge of honour. Because it is such an honour to be someone's Mum. And if your Mum is anything like you, I am sure she felt the same way I do. I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

God, you got me with this one. Thats my comment about it. I just can't. My face is wet is my comment.

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Sat, 2023-06-17 13:25

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I had told my mother about Neopoet and all my friends here. I had also told her about the ones that I was close to. She said,
"Australia, I've always wanted to go there; and you feel like this Seren/Jane is like a sister to you? How I would love to meet her!
I'm sure that she would have loved you. She loved the poem that I wrote; Aussieland is Calling. She was extremely proud of telling people that I was a poet and had friends in Australia. Thank you for your read and extremely kind comments,
Love and higgest bugs, Geez.
.

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