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title-less (language)

Submitted by Triskelion on Wed, 2022-12-21 11:57

To raze that I built.
Scraped up lives in my fingernails.
So many germs that live there.
Lived there....purposelessly.

Obvious, intently, Intrinsic
with calculated boredom that fucks empathy.
Monotonously.
Over and over.
Dried up empathy, bone in
shredding the walls
I once stood by in my youth.

She smelled of dry blood.
Tasted of dead fertility.
She was all to me.

And now I find I bathe in anti-remorse
to feel clean again.
Lick me clean...
so clean, I squeak.
Come, Lukashenko,
Let us kiss.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

How was my language use?

How does this theme appeal to you?

Last few words:

I wish I could be stripped of this hostility. Any suggestions are welcome. Can it be tempered, balanced somehow that it's ugliness is lost?

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2022-12-21 12:22

Yes...

Develop another personality and indulge in tasteful violence! My "Killer" is a serial-killer that kills only bad people; such as rapists and pedophiles. He is also a gourmet-chef, who of course is a cannibal. He has a alter-ego, by the name of Sir Gee, he is the goody-two-shoes of them. He is the one who struggles with what his brother does. They have a dog named Anubis, that was rescued from the streets. I think that you will find that after a while, you will have to look for reasons to lash out, just to keep him alive. Try it, you may like it. ~ Geezer.
P.S. You are welcome to p.m. me and pick my brain anytime.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Candlewitch

Wed, 2022-12-21 13:29

hello,

I kind of agree with Geezer and his "others". I have seven other distinctive personalities who were born of me. one is male. the rest are female. you can p.m. me if I/we can assist you.
*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Triskelion

Sun, 2022-12-25 17:27

Thanks

..for your responses. Unfortunately, my wiring doesn't perform fantasy well. It seems my need to understand the grotesque is the same as my need to express beauty.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

author comment

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title-less (language)