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A Time For Healing

Submitted by William Lynn on Sat, 2023-04-01 11:30

I think we all have stories sad
From our past we just can't tell,
About those times so long ago
And more recent ones as well.

Through our scars there is a story
That we never should forget,
And if we try to learn from them
Some peace we might find yet.

But time can be a teacher
To show us how from hurt to grow,
A time to find a way to heal
So some comfort we might know.

Perhaps the best to hope for
Is to try to live each day,
Towards a path with bright tomorrows
As we work hard to pave the way.

Let's use this time to see a day
When the past is not a cross to bear,
And we can walk this walk together
As we look back...but do not stare.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Contest: 
April 2023 Challenge Could have, would have, should have
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-04-01 11:30

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

/5

"A Time For Healing" is a simple and straightforward poem that touches on the topic of healing from past hurts. The rhyme scheme is consistent throughout, which makes the poem easy to read and follow. However, the poem lacks depth and originality as it touches on a topic that has been explored countless times before. The use of cliches such as "time can be a teacher" and "bright tomorrows" also detracts from the overall impact of the poem.

One line edit suggestion would be to change "Towards a path with bright tomorrows" to "Towards a path with hope to borrow." This change would add a bit more depth and originality to the poem, while still maintaining the rhyme scheme.

Overall, while "A Time For Healing" is a pleasant read, it falls short in terms of originality and depth. It would benefit from a more unique perspective or approach to the topic of healing from past hurts.

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William Lynn

Sat, 2023-04-01 13:17

William Lynn's picture

Thanks for the critique. I agree with the suggested line change.

author comment

Rosewood Apothecary

Mon, 2023-04-03 06:27

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I love the theme. Your rhythm is very good and I found it easy to read. I think stanza 3 line 2 maybe could be reworded. I use that device a lot myself to fit rhythm or rhyme schemes but maybe it’s too much on that one line. Sounds good rhythmically though.

The last stanza I think could be stronger. I love what you say and I think it’s a perfect conclusion but that stanza seems angular compared to the others.

Let's use this time to see (today)
The past is not a cross to bear,
We walk together through this life
Where looking back it all seems clear

Maybe something like that. I feel that could be better too but maybe it’s a start.

Excellent job
Tim

William Lynn

Mon, 2023-04-03 11:13

William Lynn's picture

Thanks Tim for your thoughtful suggestions. - Bill

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