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TIGER'S STRIPES ( memorable free form #2)
A curtain of false civility
like tall grass hides the predator
whose ripping teeth are veiled
by lips of greed
all the better to stalk
profit
Don't mistake the gleam in laughing eyes
for a cheerful twinkle
humor masks the mirth of sizing up
an unsuspecting prey
Those who take him for a friend
taken in by feigning of good will
are merely meat in waiting
ear tagged for the cold locker
a meal for when greed's hunger
makes him drool
don't be that fool
So when you see him stalking halls
of banks, dealerships or shopping malls
don't ever make direct eye contact
for the tiger always is......
a tiger
Last few words:
Major rewrite of an oldie
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Mon, 2012-09-10 07:55
Hi Beau
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I may have missed the mark because the tiger is supposed to be compared to those bankers and salespeople who smile and smile while all they really care about is your money, not you. I'll let this gather some more moss before editing................stan
author commentjudyanne
Mon, 2012-09-10 10:10
hi stan - great write
but I’d change ‘like’ in the second line to ‘as’
I love the alliteration and the metaphor in ‘merely meat in waiting’
I don’t think this needs any editing Stan. I think you have nailed memorable here. The poem has a really good rhythm about it – that doesn’t spoil the supposed not-to-have-rhythm if you know what I mean – the rhythm you have when you’re not having rhythm lol - and it somehow lends to the theme - don't ask me how... it just has a build up about it or something
and too – it doesn’t matter that Beau ‘got’ politicians and people in power as your theme – that’s just another aspect of the same face as the bankers and salespeople – they all smile and smile while all they really care about is what they can profit from you -
just one of the subtexts you unwittingly write lol
great title
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Mon, 2012-09-10 21:43
Hi Judy
When I do something and even You can't figure out why it's good , Then you know it was by accident......or...was...it? lmao. I'm glad this blind pig stumbled up on an acorn..............stan
author commentRula
Mon, 2012-09-10 12:49
The theme does really appeal to me stan
and that's a perfect simile make it memorable indeed.
I too loved the title as it adds to the whole scene
Perfect opening and closing verses . Much enjoyed.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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scribbler
Mon, 2012-09-10 21:45
Hi Rula
I catch a fair amount of flack for my titles so I'm pleased this one works lol. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on a form I'm not that good at.............stan
author comment