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THREE ORDERS
On such a lovely day as this
with closed eyes warmed by the spring sun
although such thought might be remiss
I'm not yet READY to be done
Eye for eye is what they say
so even now I'll owe two more
'cause when the madness struck that day
'twas not my AIM! to kill that whore
That pimp, though, I meant to kill
he deserved my lethal ire
he'd pimped my child against her will
and thus deserves to feel hell's FIRE!!.............
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
Hmmm.... in looking this over I wonder if it's a type of acrostic?..........stan
Editing stage:
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Comments
weirdelf
Sat, 2012-04-21 00:41
I'm a huge believer in vengeance,
but except in a few cases, like pederasty, the death penalty.
"May the punishment fit the crime" The Mikado, Gilbert and Sullivan.
Strong and potent verse Stan. Me like.
Did a particular incident prompt it?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-21 14:25
Hi Jess
Glad you liked this thing from a Mere pastoral poet lol. In my opinion there are far too many people on death row who should have been executed long ago. For despite the mistakes that have been made in our justice system there ARE those whose guilt is indisputable and we should not be forced to keep them up. And no,there was nothing in particular that brought this about but I guess it Couldbe applied to that Norwegian monster Brievnik...........stan
author commentRoscoe Lane
Sat, 2012-04-21 01:59
They live,
They live an idle life at our expence, while the victim and their family suffers. I would go your way Stan, and do away with them. Great poem, Regards Roscoe..
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-21 14:27
Hi Roscoe
At least dead they would no longer be a threat to fellow inmates and guards. Thanks for the visit........stan
author commentPRECIOUSLYSET1
Sat, 2012-04-21 02:27
I GREATLY enjoyed this !! It
I GREATLY enjoyed this !! It brings u from sunny prospects to
the bitter truth of reality!! love it
Alone we shall find our ways into worlds of never imagined discoveries
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-21 14:29
hello
Thank you. Every once in a while my poetry exits the woods and is faced with hard realities..........stan
author commentIan.T
Sat, 2012-04-21 03:56
Stan
Not sure who you killed there, I think that this is a type of Acrostic but I am not sure if the three words ready, aim, fire should be so obvious.
Is this acrostic are they supposed to be a hidden as a subliminal message
to the reader.
We shall talk about it later, meanwhile a good rendition, Yours, Passerine
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-21 14:33
Hi Ian
This is suposed to be the last thoughts of amurderer facing a fireing squad . His thought keep being interrupted by the last three ordes he'll ever hear. Only after writing it did it occur to me that it might be viewed as some form of acrostic...................stan
author commentloved
Sat, 2012-04-21 07:14
If I were to be a ...DICTATOR
I would let them live
without clothes
and
walk naked
in the streets of
Paris.... London ....New York ... LA ....California ....Cairo,and New Delhi PLUS YOU may add more...
fully stark naked
CASTRATED
Death is such a simple elimination
without any human education
simply a fixation .....
loved
scribbler
Sat, 2012-04-21 14:34
Hi loved
Thanks for coming by. One thing capital punishment Does do is keep the executed from repeating their crime lol.....stan
author comment