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The Thread

Submitted by Depressed 1 on Tue, 2023-01-03 02:37

I am barely hanging on by a thread

If I let go, I will surely end up dead

Our love was just a fantasy in bloom

A fairy tale love that ended too soon

Everything you said was just lies

Like all of the tears that you cried

The thread it is getting pretty bare

Cannot keep hanging in cold air

Guess I will open up my hand

Bury me under my piece of land

My memory in your head will fade

Like my body, it will slowly decay

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Rosewood Apothecary

Tue, 2023-01-03 05:40

Rosewood Apothecary's picture
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Stays pretty true to your unique style. I’m accustomed to your writing voice now and so these are a breeze to read.

My favorite lines:

My memory in your head will fade

Like my body, it will slowly decay

I like the decision to use a near rhyme. It shows you made a decision for effect over stringent rhyme. It’s my opinion that this was a good decision. I feel like the tiny break in form drives the finality of it home exactly at the end of it. I’m not sure if this was deliberate but it’s working.

Tim

Depressed 1

Tue, 2023-01-03 07:27

Depressed 1's picture

Thanks Tim. It just comes to me sometimes. Like the old saying no rhyme no reason.

https://www.artofelpaso.com/

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