Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

They Called Her Satan part #2 by: eddy styx update

green-eyed woman, hair of ginger
looking too good to be true
one glance and she knows me
yes she does, through and through

a suggestive wink of an eye
then a twitch of her hip
sliding into character
a mischievous pout of lip.

unobtrusivly watching
this woman's trained vamp
everything about her whispers
I'm no ordinary tramp

looking hard I see through her
how can this bit of famine fluff
make a grown man start to weep
and my heartbeat run rough?

leaving the party early
she pauses to throw me a glance
before the door closes
she looks playfully askance.

I wait a few minutes
finishing my drink,
out the door I follow
my quarry the minx.

spotting her up ahead
stopped under a street light
adjusting her stocking,
my face warms to the night.

hearing her breath catch
turning the key, she glances at me
stepping out of the shadows
to take her hand deliberately

without saying a passing word
crossing the room to her bed
she flows slowly like hot lava
to bedazzle my swimming head

wearing a button-down gown
silk clinging to her frame,
burgundy red which dances
in the light of the flame.

her eyes never leaving my face
as she steps out of her dress,
my desire for her brings a rise,
almost out of my mind, I must confess.

in lace and silk underwear, simpers
whilst turning down satin covers
she notices my soft whimpers
wondering about her other lovers

she lights her scented candles
I reach for her, embracing with a kiss
her hands running through my hair
scooping her up in a moment of bliss.

we slide between the sheets I unhook her bra
taking a plump breast into my eager mouth
tracing circles with the other, breath growing ragged
her hand in my chest hair the other heading south...

after the feast of bodies she tells me to leave,
she laughs, pulling the cover tight to her chest
she says she has another "date" who won't wait
her mocking laughter, "you're like all the rest!"

there is a decided flush of her cheeks, a frozen smile,
on her perfect lips, in future I will remember this well
throttling her throat before crushing her windpipe
sending her and her impurities straight to Hell!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
written by: eddy styx, Candlewitch's Male alter ego
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

karma and rush of adrenaline! The language is good, and the theme is something I absolutely love! I think that the rhythm or pattern could be smoothed out a bit, by ridding the lines of extraneous words, that slow it down. A little trim could make this a super read. Think of ways to get the idea of the line across with fewer words. ~ Geez.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

tomorrow I will see what I can do with it. glad you like it!

*ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

she looks playfully askance.

That is hands down the most creative line in the stream for awhile. Impressive. Throughout.

Tim

thanks, Tim!

* ever, eddy

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Lady Kat,
I'm glad I could move you and stir your blood. thank you for telling me so;)

*ever, eddy styx & Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Evil intimate moments met with swift justice...well played, Eddy

~RoseBlack~

thank you, Carrie. who is the predator and who is the victim. I guess it is all a matter of perspective?

*ever, eddy styx & Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Can I just say Brava!!!!

Sigh I have so missed your poetry.

I can't work out how I missed this.

Love Always Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

for your comment, it is always appreciated!

*ever, eddy ;)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.