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They Called Her Satan part #2 by: eddy styx update
green-eyed woman, hair of ginger
looking too good to be true
one glance and she knows me
yes she does, through and through
a suggestive wink of an eye
then a twitch of her hip
sliding into character
a mischievous pout of lip.
unobtrusivly watching
this woman's trained vamp
everything about her whispers
I'm no ordinary tramp
looking hard I see through her
how can this bit of famine fluff
make a grown man start to weep
and my heartbeat run rough?
leaving the party early
she pauses to throw me a glance
before the door closes
she looks playfully askance.
I wait a few minutes
finishing my drink,
out the door I follow
my quarry the minx.
spotting her up ahead
stopped under a street light
adjusting her stocking,
my face warms to the night.
hearing her breath catch
turning the key, she glances at me
stepping out of the shadows
to take her hand deliberately
without saying a passing word
crossing the room to her bed
she flows slowly like hot lava
to bedazzle my swimming head
wearing a button-down gown
silk clinging to her frame,
burgundy red which dances
in the light of the flame.
her eyes never leaving my face
as she steps out of her dress,
my desire for her brings a rise,
almost out of my mind, I must confess.
in lace and silk underwear, simpers
whilst turning down satin covers
she notices my soft whimpers
wondering about her other lovers
she lights her scented candles
I reach for her, embracing with a kiss
her hands running through my hair
scooping her up in a moment of bliss.
we slide between the sheets I unhook her bra
taking a plump breast into my eager mouth
tracing circles with the other, breath growing ragged
her hand in my chest hair the other heading south...
after the feast of bodies she tells me to leave,
she laughs, pulling the cover tight to her chest
she says she has another "date" who won't wait
her mocking laughter, "you're like all the rest!"
there is a decided flush of her cheeks, a frozen smile,
on her perfect lips, in future I will remember this well
throttling her throat before crushing her windpipe
sending her and her impurities straight to Hell!
Comments
Geezer
Sun, 2023-01-15 10:34
A tale of...
karma and rush of adrenaline! The language is good, and the theme is something I absolutely love! I think that the rhythm or pattern could be smoothed out a bit, by ridding the lines of extraneous words, that slow it down. A little trim could make this a super read. Think of ways to get the idea of the line across with fewer words. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Candlewitch
Sun, 2023-01-15 15:05
okay Geezer,
tomorrow I will see what I can do with it. glad you like it!
*ever, eddy
*
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Rosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-01-15 15:22
Check this out!
she looks playfully askance.
That is hands down the most creative line in the stream for awhile. Impressive. Throughout.
Tim
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-01-16 08:30
LOL!
thanks, Tim!
* ever, eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-01-16 13:24
thank you,
Lady Kat,
I'm glad I could move you and stir your blood. thank you for telling me so;)
*ever, eddy styx & Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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RoseBlack
Mon, 2023-01-16 09:40
Fabulous
Evil intimate moments met with swift justice...well played, Eddy
~RoseBlack~
Candlewitch
Mon, 2023-01-16 13:27
LOL!
thank you, Carrie. who is the predator and who is the victim. I guess it is all a matter of perspective?
*ever, eddy styx & Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
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Seren
Mon, 2023-01-23 22:11
Dearest Cat
Can I just say Brava!!!!
Sigh I have so missed your poetry.
I can't work out how I missed this.
Love Always Jayne xxx
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Candlewitch
Tue, 2023-01-24 07:33
thank you, Lady Jayne
for your comment, it is always appreciated!
*ever, eddy ;)
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.