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TANGLED MAP OF COULD HAVE BEEN

Submitted by scribbler on Thu, 2010-11-25 07:33

Untried dreams we now regret
( we'll do it later, just not yet )
Perhaps a message t'was not taken
led to another's poor heart breakin'

Had ink never flowed out of this pen
this poem would neither start nor end
maybe we'd sleep well at night
had we not begun to write

Untaken roads, choices not made
debts forgiven and repaid
a decision made or one we shirk
a word that does or doesn't work

How many times in every day
do we each pick a different way
until the map of routes untraveled
resemble a facsimile of the human psyche unraveled ?

Style / type:

Structured: Eastern

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Last few words:

this is for the contest, now all this old fart has to do is remember how to E-mail it to lou lmao.

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Comments

crypticbard

Fri, 2010-11-26 01:09

not positioned

to speak about Japanese forms. So take what you can from this, my comment. We live in the is and has beens.... The last stanza carries much weight in centring the whole poem.

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

scribbler

Fri, 2010-11-26 19:45