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Taming Of The Beast (eddy styx) (rhymed)

Taming Of the Beast

this creature lives
inside of me
feasting on
antipathy

the naming of
my dark twin
I hold at bay
just beneath my skin

it lies in wait
below the seeming
of my flesh facade
of my distressed screaming

its foul breath
could etch tempered glass
a poison brew
could kill en masse

still on its chain
I give receipt
of paper and pen
to spew dire deceit

thus reduce the pressure
a potent release
in the process of
taming of the beast

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Thanks to the poet Lonnie, for help in creating this piece
Editing stage: 

Comments

Very nice it moved smooth for me. i stumbled a bit on my first read but i do love this a lot. Now prrrr Ms. Cat :)
Tommi

Tommi Cordial

Dawn breaks over marble head...

Thank you for reading and responding!

always, Cat

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author comment

Eddy Styx. Wish i could find a suitable name for my dark side.

Love this!

Thank you! I hope you find the perfrect name for your dark inner poet!

always, eddy (& cat)

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author comment

nicely scripted to describe the beast which resides inside almost all...it would be naive if some deny it...the title is perfect since the wisdom is in how one is able to tame the beast...as usual presented in your unique style...

i better stay out of harm's way of the beast in you ..lol..

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

How have you been? I've missed seeing you around. I'm glad you're back!

always, eddy (& cat)

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author comment

this creature lives
inside of me (of – just pulls at my grammar string a little. I’d drop 'of', you don’t need it)
feasting on
antipathy

and
‘it lies in wait
below the seeming
of my flesh facade
of my distressed screaming’
sounds a little convoluted

suggestion
‘it lies in wait
below the seeming
flesh façade / fleshy facade
of my distressed screaming’

‘its foul breath
could etch tempered glass
a poison brew
could kill en masse’ – two ‘could s’ – maybe make one of them a ‘would’ ?

still on its chain
I give receipt
of paper and pen
to spew dire deceit – my favourite stanza

but then, to my ear
‘thus reduce the pressure
a potent release
in the process of
taming of the beast’
just needs a little tidy to succinct

maybe
‘thus inducing
a potent release
of pressure in process of
taming of the beast’

love it eddy, but it sounds more like cat describing you isn’t it – therefore did cat write this and pretend to be you… oh now my head is hurting

love to you both and also to poor Steve who must feel quite out of it when you are around ….
judy
xx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

You are so right. This piece needs a bit of tweaking. I will work on it when I feel better. A nasty cold/virus has snuck in and attacked me. I hope this one never sees your beautiful shores. When I work on this poem, I will take your suggestionsn into account.
Yes, I guess this is me (cat) describing my relationship with the vile eddy.

always, Cat (& eddy)

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And responds, please be courteous
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author comment
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