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Stupid Tongue...

Submitted by Geezer on Thu, 2023-03-30 00:47

Stupid Tongue...

Hindsight is twenty-twenty they say
My eye looking back, says, "Stupid tongue,
you shouldn't have said that"

Brain, rather late...
Says, "Yeah, stupid tongue,
what the hell did you say that for?"

Stupid tongue stutters, "I didn't mean to!"
Eye in the mirror, disgusted, "You are so stupid!"
Brain again, "Yeah stupid tongue!"

From somewhere in the recesses of the brain-cellar
comes the small voice of reason
If I were here, I wouldn't have let you say that."

Now Stupid tongue says, "Well, where were you guys when I needed you?"

Brain and reason answer together,
"We were blinded by the fight, blinded by the fight,
dressed up like the truth, we were uncouth, and
blinded by the fight"

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week March 26th to April 1 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-03-30 00:47

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The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Stupid Tongue..." effectively captures the feelings of regret and self-blame that often follow a moment of saying something we wish we hadn't. The use of dialogue between the eye, brain, and tongue adds depth to the internal struggle of the speaker. The inclusion of the line "If I were here, I wouldn't have let you say that" provides a moment of clarity and reflection amidst the chaos of self-criticism.

However, the repetition of the phrase "blinded by the fight" at the end of the poem feels forced and out of place. It does not add anything significant to the overall message and disrupts the flow of the poem. A suggested line edit could be to remove this phrase altogether and end the poem after the line "we were uncouth." This would provide a more concise and impactful conclusion.

Overall, "Stupid Tongue..." is a relatable and well-crafted poem that effectively conveys the emotions of regret and self-blame.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Thu, 2023-03-30 08:52

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Hello, Geezer,
Very clever, unique poem! Some people wish they had a nickel for every time they said something stupid - I'm just glad I'm not tasered...
A nice humorous write about our humbling experiences!
L

RoseBlack

Thu, 2023-03-30 11:01

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With a bit of humor...we have all been there...in my case it is stupid brain because my brain always thinks something or someone is a good idea and it clearly isn't. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

Seren

Fri, 2023-03-31 02:52

Seren's picture

We all have these moments of regret. You have as always expressed it so well in poetry.

Well done.

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Thu, 2023-04-06 23:41

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always interested in what you say, I just haven't had time to go over everything and all the comments. You almost always give me something to think about. I hope that you will be back soon, giving me and everyone the benefit of your kind heart.
Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.

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Seren

Mon, 2023-04-24 02:05

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I'm nearly home from the funeral. I'll be back proper late tonight or tomorrow. It's been difficult. But I'm back hopefully you guys will be a life preserver I can hold onto while I find my feet again.

I have missed this so much. I'll better go I'm going to lose service for about 45mins

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Geezer

Mon, 2023-04-24 08:21

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for your loss. I've missed you much. Take your time, get settled and grab the life preserver with both hands. We got ya!
Love and higgest bugs, Bro.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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